TO MY DEAREST MJ

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MY DEAREST MJ,<script data-ad-client="ca-pub-7793499699554504" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>

AS I WAS WATCHING YOUR CONCERT IN BUCHAREST IN 92’ TONIGHT I COULDN’T HOLD BACK MY TEARS!! I REALLY STILL DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE TILL DATE, THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE, UNTILL SUDDENLY AFTER SEEING THE WHOLE CONCERT AND LISTENING TO ALL THOSE MEMORABLE SONGS TONIGHT, WHICH BROUGHT BACK SO SO SO MANY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES,I REALISED THAT THERE WILL BE NO SUCH PERFORMER AGAIN TO ROCK THE DIAS LIKE YOU DO,ANYWHERE IN THIS UNIVERSE,EVVVVER!!…I CRIED…HIDING MY FACE FROM MY FOLKS…A STRANGE SADNESS GRIPPED MY HEART…I CRIED INCESSANTLY …..MAKING SURE NOT TO MAKE ANY NOISE…MY DOG LOOKED AT ME WITH A CONFUSED LOOK…CAME TO ME AND LICKED MY CHEEK,AS IF HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME “DON’T CRY BRO…GOD TOOK HIM TO LESSEN HIS SUFFERING AND MAKE HIM IMMORTAL….HE JUST CAN’T DIE”!!

MY DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN CLASS IV AND AS I WAS WATCHING A FAVOURITE PROGRAMME OF MINE IN DELHI DOORDARSHAN ON A FRIDAY CALLED “THE WORLD THIS WEEK” HOSTED BY A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN NAMED “MR.PRONNOY ROY”,THE LAST SEGMENT WAS ENTERTAINMENT AND HAD A VIDEO CLIP OF A SONG CALLED “BAD” WITH YOU DANCING IN A GARAGE WITH MUSIC AND MOVES THAT SHOOK ME!! NEXT MONDAY WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL AND DISCUSSED IT WITH MY FRIENDS,THEY SEEMED TO KNOW IT ALL!! THEY, BEING PREDOMINANTLY FROM A CHRISTIAN BACKGROUND,EVEN DESCRIBED YOUR PREVIOUS ALBUMS “THRILLER”,”OFF THE WALL”, “BEN”, “GOT TO BE THERE”, “MUSIC AND ME” ETC. THEY EVEN SANG THE SONGS FROM THEM AND SHOWED THE DANCE MOVES IN THE GRAVEYARD FROM “THRILLER”!! MY CURIOSITY KNEW NO BOUNDS.I WENT BACK TO MY HOUSE AND NARRATED THE WHOLE INCIDENT TO MY MA AND LATER TO MY PA!!MY HOUSE BEING A STRICTLY MIDDLE-CLASS BENGALI ONE WITH CONSERVATIVE VALUES TOOK MY CURIOSITY AS A BLASPHEMY AND ASKED ME TO TAKE MORE INTEREST IN STUDIES,RATHER THAN THESE “USSRINKHOL”(LEWD) WESTERN SONGS!!MY MA THOUGHT THAT DISASTER WAS IMMINENT AND BLAMED MY PA TO ADMIT ME IN A MISSIONARY SCHOOL WHERE ALL THAT WAS TAUGHT WAS ALL “THIS” AND WHERE BOYS WITH WESTERN BACKGROUND WOULD TEACH ME NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE BUT ALL “THIS”!! BUT SOMEHOW EVEN ALL OF 9 YEARS AS I WAS THEN, I WAS A REBEL.I DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT ALL THAT STRENGTH TO CRY GALLONS AND STARVE MYSELF IF PA WOULDN’T BUY ME A CASSETTE OF “BAD”,WHICH ALMOST ALL MY FRIENDS HAD BY THAT TIME AND I WAS TOO PRESTIGE CONSCIOUS TO REQUEST ANYONE TO LEND ME A COPY!! WELL…. AFTER SOMEDAYS,SEEING THEIR ONLY CHILD SO DESPERATELY CRAVING FOR SOMETHING,MADE THEM CURIOUS TOO AND ON MY BIRTHDAY I GOT THIS GIFT WRAPPED CASSETTE OF A DIFFERENT DESIGN FROM CBS,COSTING RS45(WHICH MY MA THOUGHT WAS A FORTUNE),WITH YOU POSING…CALLED “BAD”….I WASN’T SO HAPPY EVER IN MY LIFE AGAIN!!I THOUGHT I HAVE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE…..AND THUS STARTED MY JOURNEY WITH YOU…PLAYING ALL THE SONGS AGAIN AND AGAIN…SOMETIMES IN FULL VOLUME WHEN NO ONE WOULD BE THERE AT HOME..MEMORISE THEM AND DANCE AS IF I HAD NO WORRIES IN LIFE!!I BECAME A HERO AMONG MY NON-BENGALI FRIENDS WHERE I WOULD ENTERTAIN THEM WITH ALL THESE SONGS OF YOURS,PERFORM ON TEACHER’S DAY OR SCHOOL FEST!!YOUR’S WAS THE FIRST EVER ENGLISH ALBUM I INHERITED, OF THE PRESENT HUGE COLLECTION THAT I HAVE!!MANY OF MY CASSETTES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED BY FUNGUS BUT ALL YOUR ALBUMS ARE ALMOST INTACT ,WHICH I TRIED TO SAVE AS BEST AS POSSIBLE,THOUGH I BOUGHT CD BACK UPS LATER!!

DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER THIS SONG “LIBERIAN GIRL” WHICH I SANG LIKE NO ONE COULD,IN A COMPETITION AND WON MANY HEARTS INCLUDING SOMEONE SPECIAL…SOMEONE CALLED “SANJANA SANGHVI” WHOM I DID MEET JUST FOR THAT ONE EVENING…THOSE WERE THE DAYS WHERE WE COULDN’T BE EQUIPPED WITH CELL PHONES TO STORE CONTACTS…I LOST HER IN THE CROWD BEFORE EVEN GETTING TO WRITE DOWN HER LANDLINE NUMBER!!! BUT MANY OF MY OWN COMPOSITIONS WERE INSPIRED BY HER…WHICH I WILL RELEASE FOR SURE IN FUTURE…..MAY BE SHE WILL GET TO LISTEN TO IT AND LIKE IT(EVEN IF THEY ARE IN BENGALI)AS SHE LIKED IT THAT EVENING….MAY BE SHE WILL GET BACK TO ME….MAY BE…BUT IT WAS AND WILL BE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!

DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER WHILE I WAS IN USA,DURING 2001-2002 AND YOUR “INVINCIBLE” RELEASED,I HAD THIS STRONG URGE TO SEE YOU ATLEAST ONCE IN MY LIFETIME.MY SHIP WAS DOCKED IN GALVESTON.BUT I REACHED 2 DAYS EARLIER AT HOUSTON ,WHERE IT WAS SCHEDULED TO ARRIVE AND HENCE WAS BAYED AT RAMADA INN.I READ THAT YOU HAD PARTED WITH SONY, BY WHICH PUBLICITY FOR “INVINCIBLE” WOULD TAKE A BEATING ETC.!!I HEARD THAT YOU WERE IN NEVERLAND AT THAT POINT OF TIME.I BECAME ADVENTUROUS!!KNOWING VERY WELL THAT I MAY BE SHOW-CAUSED BY MY COMPANY I CALLED UP MY AGENT PATRICK(IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY)AND EXPRESSED MY WISH TO VISIT YOUR DREAMLAND…NEVERLAND RANCH… WITH A WISH TO SEE YOU,ATLEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE…ALL ON MY EXPENSE!!BUT HE BROKE MY TRUST AND SECRETLY REPORTED MY TRAVEL PLANS TO MY COMPANY AND AS I PREPEARING TO FLY OFF FROM HOUSTON TO CALIFORNIA AND COME BACK AGAIN WITHIN THAT DAY…SADLY I WAS ORDERED BY MY COMPANY NOT LEAVE THE HOTEL PREMISES BEFORE SIGNING ON THE SHIP!!SO…. WHILE YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME AT YOUR RANCH “MAY BE”,I WAS BUYING “INVINCIBLE” IN WALL MART!!THANX TO “ST.PATRICK”!!

DEAREST MJ,

I FOLLOWED YOUR UPS AND DOWNS FROM 1987 TILL 2009 VERY CLOSELY,SINCE I GOT ADDICTED TO YOU.I KEPT ON HEARING AND READING STRANGE THINGS ABOUT YOU,COMMENTS FROM ABSOLUTE IMBECILES,NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT MUSIC,NOT KNOWING HOW TO RESPECT AN ARTIST,SEEING YOUR INSULT IN PUBLIC AND THINKING FROM AN ARTIST’S POINT OF VIEW,OF WHAT YOU MUST BE GOING THROUGH MENTALLY….I MUST SAY THAT THERE WAS A PREMONITION OF SUCH A CALAMITY IN MY MIND AS FAR AS YOUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL STATE WAS CONCERNED!!THOUGH THESE PARASITES WERE LESS IN NUMBER COMPARED TO ALL THOSE GAZZZILIONS WHO LOVED YOU HERE OR IN ANY OTHER PLANET,STILL THERE WAS SOMETHNG ILL-FATED IN YOUR NATAL CHARTS THAT MADE THESE SCUMBAGS “SEEMINGLY” ALL POWERFUL!!BUT LITTLE THAT THEY REALIZED… YOU, BEING SO CLOSE TO GOD, WOULD TEACH “THEM” A LESSON INSTEAD,BY JUST VANISHING PHYSICALLY FROM EARTH,LEAVING THESE SINNERS, ALIVE, TO DEAL WITH THEIR LIES,TO LIVE WITH THEIR DECEIT,WITH THEIR BREACH OF TRUST,WITH THEIR “HARD EARNED” MILLIONS FROM YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS…THE REST OF THEIR GOD DAMN LIVES!!MAY GOD KEEP THEM ALIVE AND MAKE THEM INSOMNIACS AND MAKE THEM MENTALLY DERANGED AND GIVE THEM ALL KINDS OF PAIN AND HARDSHIPS MULTIPLIED BY INFINITY, WHICH THEY HAVE INFLICTED ON YOU!! FOR ME YOUR PERSONAL LIFE COMES AFTER YOUR WORK…YOUR IMMORTAL WORK OF ART….SO I WILL LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE KEEPING “THEM” CLOSE TO MY HEART..YOU WILL BE THERE WITH ME FOREVER…!!

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DEEAREST MJ,

MAY BE NOW,HEAVENLY AS YOU ARE,YOU WILL TAKE NOTICE THAT THIS MAN ,WHO WAS ONCE A BOY, YOUR ARDENT FAN, WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE A MARK IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY IN HIS OWN WAY,FIGHTING HIS OWN BATTLE IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD,NEEDS YOUR BLESSINGS…….PLEASE COME IN MY DREAMS ATLEAST ONCE..I WANT TO SHAKE HANDS WITH YOU….”I WANNA ROCK WITH YOU..ALL NIGHT”!!!!!!!

END OF RAJPOTH/NIKHIL

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The question is what’s my feeling that yet another family of mine,RAJPOTH, breaks up barely after one year!! Here’s the answer..a bit prolonged I guess,but that’s the way Trisha,Ipsitadi,Somdutta,Sucheta etc. from my orkut friendlist, all over the world,who followed my work as NIKHIL, religiously,wanted to hear from me!! Well ,first of all I do not feel a heartbreak ala Dr.Shurjo Sen of Khela…the reason being,sadly.. Nikhil my character in Rajpoth,didn’t turn out to be even half as promising to what was narrated to me in the casting session…though undoubtedly,it was a challenge to play a person with so many shades…but somehow the boat carrying Nikhil faltered in the whirlpool,for reasons beyond Nikhil’s or my control!! In one line one can say that “the boat headed to discover India,but found West Indies…not a mean achievement by any standards…. but not to the destination for which Nikhil and me had set sail on june 18th-08”!! But during the course of my journey as Nikhil ,whatever the consequences might have been and to wherever I may have drifted,I thought from the onset that I should make it a point to keep “my” main engine astute,the pressure and volume in the cylinders intact,the alarm trips ongaurd,the boilers warm,the auxilliary engine standby,the coolers head-on,turbochargers supercharged and the fuel supply continuous… …all in all “ I am” successful I guess,to some extent as the director and producer’s very happy and they have gone on record, inprint about this(Aajkaal-13-12-08)!! PLUS THERE IS THIS DELUGE OF ANTI-HATE MAILS AND SCRAPS FOR MY PERFORMANCE AS NIKHIL,AMONG THE OCCASIONAL HATE-COATED ONES TOO(without a proper view and reasoning apart from the mandatory “you are not looking as handsome as Dr.Shurjo Sen…which was quite true though”)!! They have made me believe that whatever I was doing ,was right and my boat may go astray, but the sailor has given no place to complain in piloting it through troubled waters to a landmass,nevertheless and didn’t let it drown afterall,even if the mother ship sank prematuredly,due to so MANY MANY MANY reasons,best forgotten, to gear up for a new and better tomorrow!! What I ACTUALLY feel terribly bad about, is that a family,comprising my co- actors,some great friends and guardians,Asish-my hair stylist,Avijit-my make-up man,Manik-my dresser and all others in my unit….has been broken up..and we have all drifted apart…to our respective pockets of work professionally…but the bonding will remain forever,which was absolutely visible through the gallons of teardrops shedded,in the farewell party,by everyone of us!!

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ABOUT "NIKHIL" IN RAJPOTH

IT HAS BEEN NEARLY A YEAR THAT <script data-ad-client="ca-pub-7793499699554504" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>RAJPOTH" IS ON AIR ON ZEE BANGLA,BUT I HAVEN'T REALLY SPOKEN ABOUT "NIKHIL" MY CHARACTER,MY VIEWS ON HIM ETC....TILL DATE..WELL HERE I AM READY TO DO SO...... "KHELA" ENDED ON A SATURDAY IN 2008,WITH THE ROMANTIC,DASHING "DR.SHURJO SEN" BIDDING A FAREWELL AND "RAJPOTH" STARTED ITS JOURNEY ON THE VERY NEXT MONDAY WITH ME AS THE INSECURED, INTROVERT, SLY, PASSIONATE, CARING, CROOKED,VIOLENT,EMOTIONAL,DRAMATIC "NIKHIL"!! "NIKHIL"...WITH A FRENCH CUT, SPORTING A VERY VERY DIFFERENT HAIR DO,VERY DIFFERENT BODY LANGUAGE,TOTALLY...DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSITE TO "SHURJO", WAS ABSOLUTELY SHUNNED AND PANNED BY MAJORITY FROM DAY ONE..BE IT LOOKWISE OR CONTENT AND ACTING STYLEWISE...THOUGH I MUST SAY THERE WERE THOSE WHO HAD LIKED MY NEW LOOK AND DIFFERENT AVATAR,BUT THEY WERE VERY FEW IN NUMBER!! I SULKED,EXPRESSED MY DEPRESSION TO MY PRODUCER MR.INDRANIL SEN.........HE JUST SAID"BOBBYY JUST GIVE THE CHARACTER A BIT OF TIME TO GROW..I CAN ASSURE YOU WILL WIN HEARTS.." !! HE WAS RIGHT!! I UNDERSTOOD ANOTHER THING THAT WE BENGALIS AND INDIANS IN GENERAL,DO NOT WELCOME TOO MUCH OF A REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE IN OUR LIVES..EVEN IN AN ACTOR IN OUR DRAWING ROOMS,WHO HAS CAUGHT OUR IMAGINATION, FOR THAT MATTER ...WE ALL WANT HIM TO GO ON DOING THE SAME THINGS FOR EVER...BUT I BEG TO DEFY...FOR ME "CHANGE" IS A MUST IN LIFE.."CHANGE" IS THE NATURAL WAY OF EVOLUTION..THE MORE WE WELCOME A POSITIVE CHANGE IN OUR LIVES, THE MORE WE WILL EVOLVE AS HUMANBEINGS...HENCE, OFF I WENT ALONG WITH "NIKHIL" WITH INDRANILDA BY MY SIDE ALWAYS AND THEN JOY DA(sadly he is no more a part of RAJPOTH)TO ENCOURAGE ME, TO ENJOY, PLAYING A VERY VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER CALLED "NIKHIL"!!THANX TO THEM. A VERY COMMON ALLEGATION IS THROWN TOWARDS ME FROM PEOPLE(who i am sure are NOT the regular veiwers of RAJPOTH unlike Trisha,Ipsitadi,Debjani,Somdutta,Debanjana,Sucheta,Orko,Anuradha,Chayan and many of my other friends in Orkut who inspite of their own hectic schedule,religiously watch my work and give healthy suggestions..without a miss..thanx to all of them)THAT NIKHIL IS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL AND LOUD!! WELL I HAVE GRACEFULLY HEARD THEIR POINT AND RESPECT THEIR VIEWS BUT SADLY IF THEY WOULD HAVE SEEN NIKHIL REGULARLY, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO CARELESS IN THEIR COMMENTS. THAT'S BECAUSE NIKHIL'S A VERY VERY INTROVERT PERSON,FILLED WITH INNER THOUGHTS,INNER MENTAL WAR,VENGEANCE FOR HIS FATHER'S DEATH,SISTER'S MISMARRIAGE,UNHAPPY MARITAL LIFE ETC...SUCH A PERSON MAY BECOME OVERTLY EMOTIONAL OR VIOLENT ONLY WHEN THE STRINGS OF ENDURANCE SNAPS...THAT'S HOW I SEE HIM... "KHUB THHANDA CHHELE...KINTU REGE GELE CHONDAAL...KHUB TARATARI CHOKHE JOL ASHE..KHUB TARATARI DUKKHO PAY ABAR ANONDER JOWARE BHESHE JETEO SHOMOY LAGENA!!KHUB UNPREDICTABLE!!" I AM SURE SUCH PEOPLE ARE VERY VERY VERY COMMON IN OUR DAILY LIVES TOO AND SO NIKHIL, BECOMING LOUD AND OUT OF CONTROL'S ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED WITHIN A CERTAIN PARAMETER....AND MIND YOU THERE ARE UNCOUNTABLE PEOPLE AT ORKUT,IN PUBLIC PLACES,PARTIES,SHOWS ETC WHO HAVE COME UP TO ME AND SPECIFICALLY SAID THAT THEY ARE SWEPT AWAY WITH NIKHIL'S EMOTION..THAT'S MORE VALUABLE FOR ME THAN ANY AWARD OR ANY REVIEW!! ONE MUST UNDERSTAND..THIS IS NO CHILD'S PLAY AND WHAT WE ARE DEALING WITH ,IS A HIGH TRP GROSSING PROGRAMME ON THE PRIMETIME SLOT OF 9PM,OF A LEADING REGIONAL CHANNEL ..ZEEBANGLA,FROM A LEADING PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR.. WHERE BIG BIG BIG MONEY IS INVOLVED..SO I AM SURE WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING AND MAKING ME DO, IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE ENTERTAINMENT AND POSITIVE FEEDBACK OF PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD AND NOT REALLY GETTING DEFOCUSSED BY SOME CARELESS COMMENTS HERE AND THERE!! ANOTHER ALLEGATION'S THAT, I DO NOT LOOK AS HANDSOME AS I USED TO, IN "KHELA"...A LITTLE BOY WAS THE LAST INCLUSION IN THAT LIST IN THE KOLKATA FASHION WEEK,WHEN HE SAID THE SAME TO ME...BUT HE ADDED THAT HE CRIES WHEN NIKHIL CRIES!!HE GETS ANGRY WHEN NIKHIL GETS ANGRY!!...HMMMMMMM.. A BIT ASPIRING FOR A 12YEAR OLD I THOUGHT..BUT YES MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE LITTLE BOY'S COMMENT WAS ...NIKHIL HAS CONNECTED!! AS PER THE LOOKS ARE CONCERNED, THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH AND NOT JUST AN AMATUER PLAY..WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS, BEFORE THE PROJECT OF THIS SCALE HAD STARTED, WE ALL HAD A CAST MEETING,A LOOK AND MAKE-UP TEST ETC...I KNEW FROM THE FIRST THAT NIKHIL WOULD NOT LOOK LIKE A PRINCE OR LIKE "SHURJO"..EVEN INDRANILDA KNEW IT I AM SURE...BUT THE CHALLENGE WAS ..IT'S MY PERFORMANCE THAT WILL MATTER...... LOOKS ARE SECONDARY... MORE SO BECAUSE EVERYONE IS NOT GOODLOOKING IN REAL LIFE BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP HIM OR HER FROM BEING INTERESTING AND ENTERPRISING!! I CHOSE TO REPRESENT NIKHIL FROM AMONG THEM!! AT THE SAME TIME THERE ARE UNCOUNTABLE WHO HAVE LIKED MY EXPERIMENTATION WITH MY LOOK AND APPRECIATED IT!! HENCE NIKHIL WILL LOOK THE WAY HE LOOKS UNTIL HE HAS A "BAD SHAVE" DAY OR I GROW TIRED AND FED UP PLAYING NIKHIL!! "RAJPOTH" ITSELF HAS DARED TO BE DIFFERENT WITHIN ITS VARIOUS LIMITATIONS, NOT TO BE ANOTHER AVERAGE DAILY SOAP!!HERE ALMOST EVERY CHARACTER IS GREY,POWER HUNGRY,OPPORTUNIST..(as in real life)..SUCH A THRILLING STORYLINE FILLED WITH CRIME,EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR,VIOLENCE ETC. WAS A BIG BET AND CHALLENGE TOWARDS THE SENSIBILITIES OF THE PEOPLE WHO DO SEE BENGALI DAILY SOAPS, WITHOUT REALLY DISRESPECTING BENGALI SOAPS,LIKE MANY LEARNED,RESPECTABLE PEOPLE!!SOMEWHERE "RAJPOTH" HAS CONNECTED AND STRUCK A CHORD!! WAY TO GO...... A VERY INTERESTING INCIDENT JUST HAPPENED SOME DAYS BACK....I WAS OUT FOR SOME MARKETTING IN A MALL..WHEN I WAS CONFRONTED BY GROUP FROM BANGLADESH,HERE FOR MEDICAL REASONS. THE WOMEN IN THE GROUP WERE VERY EXCITED TO SEE ME AND THEY SAID(i am trying to quote their volley of questions).."BESH BHALOI TO CHHILEN, KI DORKAR CHHILO BOLUN TO EI TAKAPOYSHA NIYE?..BOU BHUL KORECHHE..O TO KHOMA CHEYECHHILO..OKEY MAAF NA KORE APNIO JORIYE PORLEN SECRETARYR SHATHE?ETA KI THIK HOLO?ABAR TAKEY KHUN-O KORLEN? SHUKHE THAKTE BHOOTE KILOY??EKBAR BON-TARE DYAKHTE ZAITE PARLA NA,KEMON DADA TUMI??"..I WAS ALMOST CORNERED BY THEM AND MIND YOU THEY WERE NOT JOKING WITH ME..THEY WERE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE ASKING...AS IF THEY LIVED WITH NIKHIL...I COULD MAKE OUT FROM THEIR FACES..I THOUGHT FOR A WHILE...SMILED ON THE INSIDE...EXCUSED MYSELF ON BEHALF OF NIKHIL....AND RETURNED HOME A HAPPY MAN!! I REMEMBERED SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME.."PEOPLE MAY HATE YOUR CHARACTER THAT YOU ARE PLAYING, BUT MAKE SURE THEY DON'T HATE YOUR PERFORMANCE"!!

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HELPLESS "WE"

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"WE" the INNOCENT..."YOU"R CHILDREN...helpless in the hands of "THEY" the DEVIL!! "THEY" are ready to disgrace our lives...ready to take away everything "YOU" have given us...THIS LIFE ITSELF!! Why can't "YOU" strike and counterstrike on these merciless pests,who create mayhem on earth,taking the shape of "us"? Why can't "YOU" annihilate this curse of mankind before they take innocent lives,at will, like this? What good,is it for "YOU" to let these devil incarnates rape,rule and disobey what "YOU" have given us...??This life!!!

Over the past 2 days i am really really very tensed with the safety of my relatives,my friends,my colleagues in mumbai...some of whom were saved by providence,some injured,some shocked....but some KILLED TOO!! Here i ask "YOU"....if "YOU" are the ruler,if "YOU" are the almighty,if "YOU" have created and controlled everything since the birth of life and beyond.....then who are these "THEY" who dare to challenge "YOU" and even win over "YOU"?? Does that mean the END is very near??? Does that ominously signify that "YOU" are losing??? Does that make "US" mere toys in the hands of these dirty,morbid "THEY"??

ANSWER ME....I AM WAITING....SO ARE THOSE MILLIONS WHO ARE GRIEVED AND SHOCKED AND ANGRY AT YOUR INACTIVITY AND WEAKNESS!! PLEASE DON'T BE DIPLOMATIC...BE HONEST...THE HELPLESS "WE" REALLY NEED TO EVALUATE THE REAL STATUS OF THEIR LIVES AND DEATH!!

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My dearest Pat Da!!

2006...i first worked with you..in an uttam kumar classic.."bilombito loy" reprise....a brief encounter of two days...didn't have the time to settle down for a rendezvous!! 

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2008..14 june..."rajpoth" launched...we both were playing maternal cousins....you..rahul..me...nikhil...started meeting almost everyday...started interacting with you...exchanged ideas...had private parties...chatted up...worked together in tandem....last time i worked with you was on 4th october..2008...mohapanchami....you alarmingly yellow with jaundice....got your frantic calls during pujas about your high temperature....couldn't meet you during that time..assuring myself that you were in proper hands....suddenly on the 14th i heard you are admitted in kothari medical centre....i rush to see you....taking special permission, for you were in the I.T.U....where non-medical people are not allowed...but strangely i was,among the very few outsiders!!..i thank my stars because i wouldn't have talked with you for the last time otherwise...wouldn't have cried at seeing your alarming state...couldn't have kissed your palm and said that.."you said that you are a phoenix bird pat-da..you have to survive".....i started frequenting the hospital...never to see or talk with you again..as your condition kept deteriorating....you being put in ventilation...and then on 7th november 2008...i get a call at 8 am from moumitadi that you are no more.....i rush to see you for the last time....see you in your eternal sleep..smiling your princely smile...i follow you to your home...then to the crematorium..where i left you all alone by yourself to travel to the other world....me driving as fast and far as i could...and crying all my tears out in wildnerness.....!!! As i entered the make up room today....i could feel your presence everywhere..your voice resonating....you giving me a hug...you appreciating my work..you sharing your food...you asking me to let you sleep on my lap.....you smiling...joking...keeping the make up room alive....i cry again..probably i will for the rest of my life..because i do not care what anyone may say about you...but me being one of your truest friend and brother knew your clean soul...golden heart...warmth...grief...aspirations...!! i am heavy today...so are many of your friends..rest assured....i have kept you in your favourite corner of your make up room...smiling jovially..as you always did....you have not left us pat-da..you have travelled...may you find peace THERE!! i love you a lot!!

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End of KHELA

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Khela is ending on the 12th july 2008 on Zee Bangla!!One feels really strange and void that one will not shoot as dr shurjo sen any more.it pains!!one feels as if a family is breaking down!! i still remember 23rd november 2006,the first day i was called up by the associate director,mr.biswajit ganguly on the advice of mr.ravi ojha to ask me to screen-test for khela!! one remembers his first day of shoot with tumpa and mr deepankar de!! i knew i had to strike a chord i have been wanting to strike,for the last 6 years,since i have been approaching mr ravi ojha and mr anindyo banerjee(associate director of ek akasher niche)on the sets of ek akasher niche!! i felt like a new person after dr.shurjo sen was created,enacted and telecasted!! on professional front though,one was/still is,a bit bitter as khela really and strangely didn't open up all doors infront of me with great offers(inspite of this thumping success,great feedbacks from the industry,press and the channel)but the continuous barrage of encouraging feedbacks in public places,in and out of kolkata, emails, letters, telephone calls,scraps on orkut etc. from my fans,friends and relatives, gave me the extreme creative satisfaction that no award or offer could give me!! every passing day,for the last 2 years, when i refused many offers, as i didnt want to do anything inconsequential after khela,i felt a bit worried if i was right at refusing them,but "smack" came these simply astounding feedbacks from completely unknown people...and by feedbacks i don't mean the mundane-"APNAKE KHUB BHALO LAGE" or "AMI REGULAR KHELA DEKHI"!!completely unknown people have come up to me and commented on dr.shurjo sen with so much genuine emotions that i was taken aback!i was completely surprised to find out the concentration and depth with which these viewers watched my character in khela and with so much minute details,which i thought was impossible in a medium like television,which is ruled by a very vociferous weapon in the viewer's hand-THE REMOTE CONTROL!! i started to believe in myself and my work and felt that "yes"i have connected... inspite of no official recognitions, nominations or awards...(rather neglect and unwanted insult instead)... i prepared myself to wait for something better and different and i can tell u..waiting can be very very very taxing and dangerous!!i thank everyone of my friends who has supported me unconditionally and liked my work immensely,again,without whom i would have been very very frustrated at not getting my dues!! i still have a long way to go.i have left every damn thing in life,right from a secured,wealthy life of a marine engineer to a very very very very hard and insecured life of an actor(many feel that glamour and respect as an actor comes very easily!!)..it was done with a calculated risk in mind...so here i am,with full of hope and possiblities and waiting for another stepping stone which will take my aspirations to prove myself,ahead!! will it be "rajpoth"????or a film??? who knows???

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Youth losing their sense of respect towards elders?

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Thanx a lot to shantanu and sucheta for their comments. yes shantanu i feel at times that this younger generation is loosing their sense of respect towards the elders.but we the elders are to be blamed for it.we are letting them do so.don't you read the multiple incidents when the school and college teachers are attacked by parents and relatives of the students who are punished???i think we are heading to a dangerous future..towards extinction!!it will be a full circle when this society will live in the jungles once more!! ya sucheta..i really hope that whatever you have wished, comes true.Of all the experiences i have been gathering in my life..one thing is clear,a person is not respected for his good qualities as a humanbeing...he is respected for what he or she has materially achieved in life,by whatever means possible!!But i prefer to achieve it by my merits solely..!!

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