MAN-WOMAN ...CO-EXISTENCE...

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A very important and interesting discussion has cropped up,after seeing the present state of the blooming male ego of Kanishka,in “Ogo Bodhu Shundori”….. “WILL MEN WILL ALWAYS BE MEN?”… “IS IT FAIR TO GENERALIZE ANY SEX OF BEING GOOD OR BAD,JUST BY ONE’S PERSONAL EXPERIENCE?”…. “IS THEIR THE HEAVENLY BEAUTIFUL,NATURAL LAW OF CO-EXISTENCE, STILL ALIVE AMONG THE IMPATIENT US, OF TODAY’S WORLD?” I have always believed…..thanx to my parents..men and women are made for each other(eke onner poripurok)…they cannot just exist without each other…that’s how He has made the rules in this wide world…and we are just mere minnows to defy that by trying to be chauvinists or autocrats! Man and Woman or Woman and Man..whichever was you put it are the essential elements to love, life, dreams, happiness, content, success, company, trust,belief and hope. No one,for me, is smaller or bigger…better or worse…more or less…everyone is equal…it’s just the basic nature of humanbeing varies,irrespective of the gender. So on one hand you can have a very brutal swine as a male dominator or you may have an evil sorceress as the female destructor…no one is perfect! I do understand and readily agree that women in the larger picture have been oppressed,in the past and still are….by men….but history has glorious examples all throughout the world too,where women have proved that they are no less than men AND history has it too,where men have thrown open their arms for co-existence and supported the cause for women empowerment! The scene in today’s world is more balanced as far as division of power between men and women is concerned. But…. it greatly saddens me when I do get vibes from men who look on all women with a degenerating,disgusting opinion. It saddens me when I do get vibes from women who look on all men with hatred as chauvinists and perpetrators! I strongly disapprove of this generalized,biased opinion of any gender,just going by one’s personal experience! There’s goodness still left within humanbeing…if one is the son/daughter of God..He will lead one to him/her who will be one’s true friend/partner and will teach one to co-exist,without any malice,any hatred,any prejudice…by not being a sexist! Woman-Man co-existence is the most ethereal ! I am deeply concerned with the alarming amount of break-ups in relationships…I am concerned with my very very close friends going through this same hellish mode! I am concerned with marriage becoming a farce….the institution becoming a laughing stock! Who do I blame? Is it our impatience? Is it our lack of understanding and adjustment? Is it our material thoughts those are overcoming the softness of our heart? Whatever it is..it’s alarming! Of all the various bitter experiences of my life,the people concerned have been both men and women! So who do I blame? No one…..!!! I blame myself of not being intelligent enough to understand my loss through those people,in the right time… that’s it! My loss doesn’t mean that I will close all my windows and nurse a grudge against any gender in particular. Today I have very many friends who are women and I do respect them for who they are and would do and give everything for their support…same with the very close male friends I do have! I believe in co-existence and co-operation and equality.. and nothing beyond that! My parents……happily married for 3 decades now….whom I have hardly seen or heard quarrelling…whom I have always seen to give respect to each other’s space…whom I have always seen to co-exist even in troubled times…rock-solid…. are my inspiration to believe so……I just hope and aspire, I do get someone in my life who believes the same and co-exists happily….!! Though one is not desperate…but the search is on!!!

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MY ADDA WITH KANISHKA

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AS TRISHA ,MY DEAR FRIEND FROM ORKUT,HAD ASKED ME TO MEET KANISHKA,DURING THIS PERIOD IN HIS LIFE,FILLED WITH TURMOIL AND WRITE ABOUT HIM,SO DID I! GOT AN APPOINTMENT WITH HIM,AFTER A LOT OF CAJOLING.HE SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME TO BE ON TIME,OTHERWISE THAT MIGHT IRRITATE HIM EVEN MORE! .....WAS ON TIME.HIS PARENTS WERE NOT THERE.RAIMA,HIS WIFE, ASKED ME TO WAIT IN THEIR SPACIOUS AND WELL DECORATED DRAWING ROOM,ON THE NORTHERN SIDE OF THEIR 2025 SQ.FT. APARTMENT,FILLED WITH SIGNS OF PROSPERITY ALL AROUND!!!QUITE IRONICAL,TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION,KANISHKA'S PRESENT JOBLESS FIASCO! AFTER 5 MINS,IN CAME KANISHKA,PRIM AND PROPER BUT,A BIT RESTLESS,A BIT IRRITATED,SENSING THAT I MIGHT IMPART UNWANTED ADVICE ON HOW HE SHOULD ACT IN THIS CHAOTIC SITUATION.I ASSURED HIM THAT IT WILL BE NOTHING BUT A PLAIN ADDA BETWEEN TWO VERY CLOSE ENTITIES AT HEART. HERE ARE THE EXCERPTS FROM THAT ADDA,WHICH HE HAS PERMITTED TO BE REPRODUCED IN MY BLOG: ME- SO?HOW IS LIFE? K- LIFE AT THIS MOMENT,IS AS INTRICATE AS A JALEBI YET TO BE DIPPED IN THE SYRUP! ME- BUT IT IS YOU WHO IS TO BE BLAMED FOR NOT TAKING A DIP IN THE SYRUP AND MAKE THE JALEBI SWEET AND EDIBLE! K- FOR ME THE RIGHT CONCENTRATION OF THE SUGARFREE SYRUP MATTERS A LOT.I JUST CANNOT LET MY LIFE, TAKE A DIP,JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT....JUST TO MAKE IT USELESSLY SWEET..I HAVE MY PRIORITIES! ME- AND WHAT ARE THEY? K- MY EDUCATION,EXPERIENCE,GOODWILL,PRAISEWORTHY WORK RECORD,MY DESIGNATION,MY PRINCIPLES! ME- OH!BUT IN TODAY'S TIME,DO YOU THINK ANYONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT YOUR PRIORITIES?ESPECIALLY WHEN EVERYONE IS SEARCHING A SHORTCUT TO SUCCESS,CUTTING COST OVER QUALITY AND IS SATISFIED WITH JUST ABOUT OK-DOKEY EFFICIENCY?DON'T U THINK YOU ARE MAKING A MISTAKE BY NOT TAKING UP THE PRESENT JOB OFFERS...ATLEAST FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FAMILY? K- NOT AT ALL!!WHAT I KNOW IS THAT I HAVE WORKED BLOODY HARD FOR WHATEVER I AM.I KNOW I AM BLOODY HONEST IN WHATEVER I HAVE DONE IN LIFE.I HAVEN'T TAKEN ANYONE'S FAVOUR.I HAVE LIVED EVERY BIT OF MY LIFE,AS PER MY MERITS.I HAVEN'T ATTEMPTED ANYTHING IN LIFE WHICH I CANNOT EXECUTE.....SO WHATEVER I DO WANT IN MY LIFE TO HAPPEN, SHOULD BE AND WILL HAPPEN AS PER MY EXECUTING ABILITIES,NOTHING MORE,NOTHING LESS!I HAVE STUDIED HARD ALL MY LIFE,I KNOW I AM A HARDWORKER,BETTER THAN MANY,I KNOW I CAN BE OF GREAT USE TO ANY I.T. COMPANY,IF THEY HIRE ME...SO GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD TAKE UP SOME JOB....ANY JOB...JUST BECAUSE I AM IN A DEPRESSION,WHICH DOESN'T JUSTIFY MY MERITS..WHICH IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ME???I AM NOT CONCERNED AT THIS MOMENT WITH WHO GIVES A DAMN FOR, ME AND MY DEDICATIÖN,PUNCTUALITY,DISCIPLINE OR NOT.I KNOW PEOPLE LAUGH AT ME FOR BEING A CLEANLINESS FREAK,FOR BEING STUBBORN,FOR BEING OR TRYING TO BE PERFECT,DISCIPLINED,PUNCTUAL..I DO NOT SEE ANYTHING WRONG IN THAT.NEITHER IT IS SOMETHING TO PAT MY BACK..THIS IS HOW I AM ...TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME!! ME- BUT THIS STUBBORNESS IS TAKING A TOLL ON YOUR FAMILY LIFE...AREN'T YOU CONCERNED WITH THAT? K- YES!OF COURSE I AM!!BUT I THINK THEY KNOW ME..THEY WILL UNDERSTAND AFTER THE INITIAL SHOCK PERIOD!!I HOPE THEY WILL!!BUT I AM TRYING MY BEST TO AVOID THE SHOCK FROM MUMMA ALEAST! ME- WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON THE CONSTANT BICKERING BETWEEN YOUR MUMMA AND YOUR WIFE?I MEAN ,WHY DON'T YOU MAKE AN EFFORT TO STOP THAT?ESPECIALLY WHEN RAIMA SHARES A GREAT RAPPORT WITH YOUR DAD ON THE OTHER HAND!! K- WELL SOME THINGS ARE IMMORTAL..ETERNAL...SO LET THEM BE...BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE...I DO TRY TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THIS TOM AND JERRY DRILL,EVERY TIME THEY SEE EACH OTHER...BUT...WOMEN POWER!!YOU SEE...INDOMITABLE!!I WILL TELL YOU A SECRET..AMONG ALL THESE QUARRELS OVER ANY TRIVIAL THINGS,BETWEEN MUMMA AND RAIMA(OH!THEY RHYME TOO!!),I ENJOY BEING LOVED AND CRAVED BY BOTH!I FEEL WANTED....LIKE A PRIZED POSESSION!!BUT YES..AT TIMES THEY DO GET ON MY NERVES...I GUESS I HAVE GOT USED TO THAT...ON THE FLIPSIDE,I WILL FEEL UNNERVED...SICK MAY BE... IF A DAY PASSSES WITHOUT MUMMA AND RAIMA GOING HAMMER AND TONGS!! ME- DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT MANY PEOPLE LOVE YOU FOR BEING THE WAY YOU ARE AND ARE CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR JOBLESS STATE? K- ARE THEY?HMMM...REALLY??I THANK THEM.I ASK FOR THEIR GOOD WISHES!ALL MY BEST WISHES FOR THEM TOO.I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME TOMORROW,GOOD OR BAD...BUT I PLAN TO STAY THIS WAY FOREVER...I MEAN THIS IS THE PERSON I AM!! EVEN AT TIMES, WHEN I FEEL I AM DEFEATED BY THIS STRANGE,UNFAIR SYSTEM OF COMPROMISE ALL AROUND, THIS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FROM ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND ME WILL KEEP ME GOING...I AM SURE...NOW IF YOU PLEASE EXCUSE ME..I HAVE TO GO FOR YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW...YET ANOTHER ONE...I HAVE TO KEEP ON TRYING..SEE YOU....HAVE SOME TEA OR COFFEE BEFORE YOU LEAVE...DON'T WORRY BOBBY..I CAN STILL PROVIDE FOR A CUP OF THAT!!! HE WALKED AWAY,WITH A SMILE,WHICH I DIDN'T QUIET UNDERSTAND AND AWAY I CAME BACK TO MY HOME TO TELL THIS TO YOU ALL!!

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ABOUT KANISHKA'S ABSENCE AND COMEBACK

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THOUGH I AM OVERWHELMED BY THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT FROM ALL MY FRIENDS IN ORKUT,FACEBOOK AND OFFLINE, WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF MY CHARACTER ‘KANISHKA’ IN ‘OGO BODHU SHUNDORI’,BUT AT THIS MOMENT I AM REALLY A BIT TIRED OF ANSWERING THE SAME QUESTIONS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN SINCE AUGUST-09,LIKE “WHY ISN’T KANISHKA SHOWN MORE OFTEN?..OR…WHY DOES HE HAVE SUCH A RARE APPEARANCE?…OR….WHY DID I ACCEPT THIS ROLE IF IT WAS OF NO IMPORTANCE?..ETC ETC…..!!

FIRST THINGS FIRST….. I HAVE NOTHING IN MY HANDS WHICH CAN CHANGE THE WAY THINGS ARE AT THIS MOMENT…IT IS TOTALLY A DISCRETION OF THE PRODUCTION AND DIRECTORIAL TEAM,GUIDED BY THE CHANNEL, WHO DECIDE,WHICH CHARACTER OR TRACK’S GOING TO RUN….WITH OR WITHOUT THE VOTE OR SUPPORT OF THE VIEWERS!!THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THAT I CAN DO,APART FROM GIVING MY BEST SHOT OF WHATEVER OPPORTUNITIES THAT I AM GETTING TO ENACT KANISHKA…….. SECONDLY,IN A MEGASERIAL,COMPRISING OF SEVERAL STORYLINES,IT IS VERY COMMON FOR A CHARACTER OR A TRACK TO BE ECLIPSED FOR A PERIOD OF TIME ONLY TO BRING IT BACK,AGAIN.HERE ,THE MAKERS ARE THE BEST JUDGE,WITH THEIR VAST EXPERIENCE IN THIS FIELD. I DON’T KNOW, BUT THIS MAY BE A CAUSE!! BUT GENERALLY THIS HAPPENS DUE TO REASONS RANGING FROM UNPOPULARITY OF A TRACK OR AN ARTIST OR LOW TRPS OR ARTIST UNAVAILABILITY…WHICH IS NOT CLEARLY THE CASE HERE.....SO???? SO….IT’S THE SAME ANSWER YET AGAIN,IT’S TOTALLY THE CALL OF THE MAKERS WHO HAVE CREATED THE CHARACTER OR THE TRACK. I AM REALLY NOT CONCERNED OF WHO IS DOING WHAT…!!I AM SURE EVERYONE IS DOING THEIR JOBS!! WHAT I AM ALWAYS CONCERNED ABOUT, IS MY WORK…BIG OR SMALL…I TRY TO GIVE MY BEST ANYWHERE ,EVERYWHERE. WHAT I KNOW IS,I HAVE SAID “YES” TO MR.RAVI OJHA,BECAUSE I CANNOT SAY “NO” TO HIM AND BECAUSE HE HAS EXPOSED MY SPARSELY LIT CAREER TO THE LIMELIGHT, THROUGH HIS SUPERHIT 'KHELA'..... AND………… BECAUSE ‘KANISHKA’ IS A DELIGHTFUL ROLE TO PLAY…CHALLENGING…NEAR TO 'MY' HEART…… AND EVIDENTLY 'OTHER'S' TOO!! … AND BECAUSE I KNOW IT FROM THE INNER CORE OF MY HEART THAT NOTHING GOES WASTED IF YOU ARE HONEST TO YOUR EFFORTS IN LIFE…..A CLEAR EXAMPLE BEING, EVEN IF VERY FEW SCENES OF KANISHKA WERE SHOWN TILL DATE,IT HAS ALREADY STRUCK A CHORD WITH PEOPLE….TO THE EXTENT THAT, I AM BECOMING REALLY TIRED OF REASONING MY ABSENCE FROM THE SERIAL,REPEATEDLY, ONLINE AND OFFLINE TO ALL THOSE WHO MISS HIM BADLY ONSCREEN!!THAT’S ENCOURAGING!! BUT ,HERE I MUST SAY THAT VERY SOON,'KANISHKA' WILL BE BACK OR RATHER IS ALREADY BACK,WITH AN INTERESTING TURN IN HIS LIFE,WHICH I AM SURE WILL BE LIKED BY EVERYONE. THANX FOR BEING WITH ME ..ALWAYS…ACTUALLY "THANK YOU" IS A VERY SMALL WORD VIS-À-VIS THE STRENGTH YOU HAVE GIVEN ME…SOME STRANGELY FIND IT VERY FORMAL…BUT TRUELY..THAT IS MY GENUINE FEELING TO ALL THE LOVE, YOU PEOPLE HAVE SHOWN FOR 'KANISHKA'…THANX AGAIN.

KEEP WATCHING!!

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My gain and loss as an Actor..till now

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CONT’D….. People often ask me what I gained or lost as an actor and how has my life changed post 2002…………..well one thing I lost for sure is a lot of weight…from a thumping 90kg+ to a 72kg+ at this moment. I wasn’t that overweight all my life though..healthy at the most,it was just a freak accident during a cricket match in 1999,that made me inactive for 6 months,when I started gaining a lot of weight…I lost it again before the medicals ,during my joining period in Mobil Shipping,fearing a disqualification and gained it back happily very soon...thanx to some best food in the world and cleanest air onboard,after I joined and sailed throughout the globe!! I am really blessed to be in this profession….. to be an actor ,as it has taught me to be fit,slim,presentable and disciplined on and off camera…but I think that should be the motto of everyone, regardless of whether he or she is in the glare of arclights or not!! There’s no harm to be presentable and fit!I have always kept myself away from smoking and drinking or any other addictions all my life,so that helped too! I REALLY CRINGE IN SHAME WHEN I SEE MYSELF ALL BLOATED UP, IN THE OLD PHOTOGRAPHS AND LOOKING NOT EXACTLY, WHAT ONE MAY CALL, AS AN ACTOR OF PROMISE!!But even this tranformation wasn’t easy….lots of sweat and sacrifice…as we Bengalis are addicted to sweets and carbohydrates and spices and oil!! That’s amalgamated to our genes…so it’s a very very daunting task not only to get one, out of that cycle, but to convince people around you, that the food they are making you eat, is doing no good to you!! They will reason,quarrel and even emotionally blackmail you to eat the pot bellied food and look healthy in their eyes! That’s the challenge…to rescue yourself ,out of that sentimental quicksand and look slim,trim and fit!! It is a revelation when your old pants feel loose on you….when your old t-shirts give a hanger like feeling….heavenly!! This profession has given me a lot prominence,fame and respect too. It has given me some good friends and admirers outside this industry who follow my work religiously,who write to me,who call me and love me and my work, unconditionally!!I feel honoured!! Little did I know that my popularity, restricted within a certain boundary,before I left ship,would pour over everywhere beyond that! With that of course came a lot of restrictions and a lot of limitations of carefree actions that an unrecognizable face could have enjoyed! I have got used to that with warmth. A lot of responsibility lies on the shoulders of an actor who is worshipped in their various levels of stardom to behave in a certain way….and I relish this responsibility! This profession has made me a champion of patience, will power and endurance,as these are very common infiltrators, in the life of an actor. Unlike any profession,here lies no security as far as influx of regular work is concerned. There’s a call time to reach the sets,but the pack up time is decided by someone beyond God I guess!! UNLIKE ANY OTHER FIELDS,THERE ARE NO REPORT CARDS HERE, SO THAT YOU MAY SCORE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF POINTS OR MARKS ‘ON PAPER’AND PROVE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY…EVERYTHING HERE IS UNCERTAIN …VIRTUAL…..NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT CAN MAKE YOU SCORE HERE…IT’S NOT ONLY GOOD LOOKS HERE….GOOD BODY…NEITHER HEIGHT…NEITHER A GOODVOICE….NEITHER PUNCTUALITY…NEITHER DISCIPLINE…NEITHER GREAT ACTING PROWESS…THAT MAY HELP YOU TO BREAK THE ICE HERE…WHAT MAY….THAT’S A MYSTERY…I GUESS I ENJOY ‘THAT’, BEYOND THE REALMS OF FRUSTRATION… ‘THAT’ MAKES MY LIFE MORE ADVENTUROUS!! This profession has shown me how one can be insulted in strange and innovative ways by people from all levels in,around and outside the trade,even if one tries to be respectful and loving to all. But I guess that is human nature…the negative side of it! Many of the same people often try to interact now, when they feel that one is suitably successful and upto their mark…. I reciprocate without even an iota of ill-will…that’s my upbringing!! YOUTH,POWER,BEAUTY,MONEY,HEALTH ETC. ARE ALL TEMPORARY…..WHAT REMAINS IS ‘GOOD BEHAVIOUR’!!’THAT’ WILL BE REMEMBERED ALL THROUGHOUT!!I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT! On the sunnier side I have been loved and blessed and adored by many in this industry from all levels, RIGHT FROM THE TIME I WAS A NO-ONE, TILL TODAY.This profession has given me some great great friends and guardians who I used to worship onscreen when I was not in this industry….ok…there is competion…there is back biting….but even beyond that, over the span of 8 years, I have gained some warm friends, older and younger, with whom I can share my troubles,my anxiety,my happiness.I feel lucky for that. That keeps me going! These are the great lessons in my life and has really made me emotionally tougher I guess. I am still learning and everyday experiences are making that book, which we all call ‘life’into an all the more enjoyable and wise journey.I try my best to erase the bitter moments and live on the better memories! I try my best to excuse and overlook and overhear all who was/is/will be insulting to me. I would rather prove it with my work,rather than fall to their pedestrian levels!!I try to forget all who took advantage of my goodness and friendship and have stolen from me materially and emotionally!! I am trying every moment….trying my best to be a better humanbeing than I was yesterday….trying my best to rectify my faults…trying to learn from my foolish mistakes in life.

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What would I be if not a actor?

People often ask me,what would I have been,if I would not have been an actor!
For sure, I would have been still writing the log book in the engine room,of some oil-tanker,on the Pacific ocean,knee deep in oil and grease in the bilge or if given another chance,I would have been a teacher,as Trisha,a dear friend from Orkut, has very correctly pointed out!
Well.... in my student days,it all started,quite early, with the mandatory intention of earning pocket money,but soon I realized that teaching and imparting knowledge to a young mind is a rejuvenating experience and gave me immmense immense immense satisfaction!!
Since my first student,Samrat,a boy in the 8th grade, while I myself ,was a mere 10th grader and was waiting for my I.C.S.E. result…...all through my I.S.C exams and then my Marine Engineering Apprenticeship period at the Calcutta Docking& Engineering Works and Garden Reach Ship Builders..to the various trainings,classes,M.O.T. exams of D.G.shipping at M.M.D....till the time I joined Mobil Shipping as a 5th engineer,I had as many as 53 students,all of whom were more than my children!!Many of whom I fondly recollect! Many of them are well settled in and out of India now ,some of them have married…well..... makes me look like a very aged ‘mashtarmoshai’ doesn’t it?….But really if you cut the joke on me, short… time flies!!
Those 8-9 years as a private tutor,I came very close to the ridiculous educational system and some very dishonest teachers,at schools,who did absolutely nothing to earn their monthly salary!!
The real challenge was not only to guide the intelligent lot of students I had,but the real challenge was to make the not so gifted ones,a participant in the rat race! More often than not I had some amazing records of success to that, which easily made me one of the most popular tutors at that time…!
Teaching was all about friendship with my students....ofcourse i was very very very strict as far as not paying attention to studies went...but apart from that myself ,not being too old in their comparison,I was more of a big brother to them than a typical ‘notes shooting’, boring tutor!! Teaching was all about bonding with them,doing first things first…studying….but apart from that,we went to picnics,film shows..we had cricket matches....we had kabaddi matches....we flew kites...we went out to eat…i cooked for them...we did plays and other cultural events together…we went out during the Pujas together…my house was virtually their second abode!! Many of them still write to me that they had the best time of their lives with me…well even I did!!
Today I cringe to see the same old dishonesty in the approach of many teachers in or outside schools,dishonest students who are not directed properly,hopeless students who have fallen back in the rat race….i feel helpless…sad….as I am able to do nothing for them in tandem…my present scenario doesn’t allow me to!! Money was never an issue I ran after in life,it has always been “what my heart tells me to do and makes me search happiness”….and teaching was one such vocation I wish I had still pursued!
But that is not to be..as life has taken a complete u-turn into something, that has given me even more satisfaction, along with my share of trials and tribulations, more than what I bargained for…as an actor…!
to be cont'd..............

GIVE AND SHARE..BE WITH GOD!

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IT HAS BEEN NEARLY 20 YEARS SINCE I HAVE DEDICATED MYSELF SERIOUSLY IN SOCIAL WORK.THE WHOLE PRACTISE STARTED, THANX TO MY SCHOOL,' S'T PAUL'S BOARDING AND DAY SCHOOL',WHEN I WAS A STUDENT THERE.MYSELF BEING A DAY SCHOLAR,I UNDERSTOOD THE PANGS AND LONGINGS OF MY FRIENDS IN THE BOARDING,WHO WERE NOT VERY WELL OFF AND MAJORLY ORPHANS...THAT'S WHERE THE THOUGHT OF 'GIVING AND SHARING' STRUCK ME VOCIFEROUSLY! FURTHER WE HAD AN OLD AGE HOME IN OUR PREMISE WHERE I WOULD JUST SHUDDER WITH THE THOUGHT,EVEN IN SUCH AN YOUNG AGE,OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME WHEN I AM AS OLD AND FRAIL AS THESE FOLKS ARE,WITH THEIR NEAR AND DEAR ONES DISCARDING THEM AFTER PEELING THE BANANA!!I WOULD CRY AT TIMES TO SEE THE LONELINESS,WHEN WE ALL USED TO VISIT THEM TO GIVE THEM GIFTS DURING EASTER AND CHRISTMAS.THERE WAS ANOTHER SOURCE OF MY PRESENT MINDFRAME OF DOING FOR UNDER-PRIVILEGED PEOPLE,ESPECIALLY FOR THE CHILDREN .....MY PROJECTS IN 'SOCIAL SERVICE' AND 'MORAL SCIENCE'....I WOULD,VERY SERIOUSLY,TAKE THE LESSONS LEARNT FROM MY MORAL SCIENCE CLASSES AND IMPLEMENT THEM IN MY LIFE OR OTHER'S LIVES...BUT..BEING A MORTAL,IT'S VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO BE A SAINT...WHEN YOU ARE BORN A SINNER!! SINCE THEN I HAVE DONE BIZZARE THINGS IN STATIONS,FOOTPATHS,ROADS,RED-LIGHT AREAS,MY HOUSEHOLD,NEIGHBOURHOOD, HERE IN KOLKATA,OTHER PARTS OF WEST BENGAL,OTHER PARTS OF INDIA AND MANY OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD,FOR PEOPLE WHO LACK WHATEVER, I HAVE IN EXCESS!! I HAVE NEVER EVER DONE THAT WITH ANY REGISTERED NGO OR ANY OTHER AGENCY AS,THE TYPE OF FIERCELY INDEPENDENT PERSON THAT I AM,I FELT IT OUTRIGHTLY PLAUSIBLE TO DO WHAT I LIKE TO DO,WITHOUT BEING UNDER ANYONE.I AM BORN ALONE...I LIKE TO LIVE ALONE...I KNOW I WILL DIE ALONE...THAT'S LIFE FOR ME...EVERYTHING POSING AS 'COMPANY'IS AN ILLUSION..A TEMPORARY ONE!! ..ANYWAY...THE REASON TO SHARE ALL THIS HIDDEN SOURCE OF HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE IS... THIS DIWALI..... I HAVE BEEN WITH SOME STREET-CHILDREN,FOR SOMETIME..AND HAD ASKED THEM, WHAT THEY WISHED ME TO DO FOR THEM, THIS DIWALI...ASKED THEIR DREAMS...WHICH I WOULD TRY TO FULFILL WITHIN MY CAPACITY....I WAS TOUCHED BY THEIR VERY SHORT LIST OF INNOCENT ASPIRATION... TO BE A 'WANTED'..'LONGED FOR'...'CARED FOR'...'LOVED' CHILD ON THIS DIWALI!! BELIEVE ME...YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN TEARS WHEN THIS VERY ANGELIC PINT SIZED CUTIE 'SHARIF'HUGGED ME AND SAID.."BHAIA, WOH *#@ (A POPULAR RESTAURANT) KA GUARD HUMEY BAHUT GALIYA DETA HAIN..BHAGA DETA HAIN..KYUN KI HUM NANGE HAIN..BHIKHARI HAIN IS LIYE...HUMEY US HOTEL ME LEKE CHALIYE,JAHAN WOHI GAURD HUME GOODMORNING BOLEGA AUR NIKALTE WAQT THANYOU BHI BOLEGA"...THAT'S 'HIS' REVENGE AGAINST MANKIND..AGAINST THIS UNFAIR JUSTICE OF GOD...!!WHAT HAPPENED WAS A HILARIOUS AND A GLORIOUS STORY,TO BE DISCUSSED IN A DIFFERENT FORUM..BUT THERE YOU ARE...THESE GUYS DO NOT WANT MONEY AS MUCH AS THEY WANT ACCEPTANCE IN THIS SOCIETY!! THE REASON THAT I AM SHARING THIS WITH YOU ALL IS BECAUSE I AM A VERY VERY VERY HAPPY MAN TODAY,AFTER I HAVE DONE WHAT I COULD DO, TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES,FOR SHARIF(RED),JAHANGIR(ORANGE),AKRAM(GREEN) AND MADE THEM VERY VERY VERY HAPPY SOULS,ATLEAST FOR TODAY,WHEN 90% OF US INDIANS WILL JUST BURN CRORES AND CRORES OF RUPEES JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ENJOYING!!I AM A CONTENDED MAN TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT THEY WILL GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT ATLEAST,WITH THE THOUGHT THAT,EVEN THEY ARE LOVED BY SOMEONE!! THANKYOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS THIRST OF GIVING,EVEN WHEN I COULD SPARE 10p,OR EVEN NOW WHEN I CAN SPARE 100p,OR TOMORROW WHEN I MAY SPEND Re1 OR GO BACK TO 10p ON THEM! SOMEONE WAS REASONING, QUITE RUDELY WITH ME THE OTHER DAY, WHEN I SAID TO HIM THAT ALL THIS EXTRAVAGANT PUJAS AND SO ON ARE BECOMING CYNICAL FROM MY POINT OF VIEW,IN A POOR POOR LAND LIKE OURS. WE 'WORSHIP' GOD ...BUT WE ARE SHOWING OFF AND COMPETING WITH OUR WORSHIP AND FAITH WITH MONEY, HERE!! HE REASONED THAT THESE FESTIVALS GIVE A LOT OF PEOPLE EMPLOYMENT AND GIVE ORDINARY PEOPLE ENJOYMENT OUT OF THEIR TENSED FREE LIVES!!I AGREE.. SOME PEOPLE DO GET EMPLOYED FOR 5 DAYS,BUT HAS HE REALLY CARED TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT ACCUMULATED AMOUNT OF INCOME OF THESE PEOPLE IS, IN RATIO WITH THE AMOUNT OF 'EXCESS' MONEY SPENT ON THEMES,LIGHTS ETC?I AGREE PEOPLE DO ENJOY...BUT DOESN'T HE HIMSELF REALIZE,THE 'ENJOYMENT' COMES WITH A VERY VERY STEEP AND UNNECESSARY COST THAT EVERYONE OF US HAVE TO CUT FROM OUR POCKETS, TO FILL THE TREASURIES OF THE INNUMERABLE ASSOCIATIONS,WHO CARRY ON WITH THE FESTIVITIES BEYOND THE CALENDAR DAYS OF THE PUJA,WASTING MONEY, ENERGY, ELCTRICITY, AND WHO ARE HELLBENT ON WINNING SENSELESS PRIZES AND DANCE SALSA ON NEWS CHANNELS,WHICH I MISTAKE AS 'ANIMAL PLANET' AT TIMES,FORGETTING THAT THIS MONEY AND ENERGY COULD HAVE BEEN OUTSOURCED TO THE NEEDY..TO THOSE WHO REALLY WANT A 'THEME' IN THEIR LIVES!! EVEN I BELIEVE IN FESTIVITY,IN HAPPINESS,IN BRIGHTNESS,IN TRUE FAITH...BARRING THE SHOW-OFF PART...BUT REALLY I DON'T SUPPORT THIS WASTAGE...IT'S SACRILEGE!! HENCE I HAVE WITHDRAWN FROM ALL SUCH OCCASIONS WHERE PEOPLE IN THEIR HERD-MENTALITY, WASTE THEIR HARD EARNED MONEY!!

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MISSING YOU BURAI....FEELING YOU EVERYWHERE GUDDU

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APRIL 21^ST,1995 A GERMAN SPITZ PUPPY WAS BORN IN ONE MY FRIEND’S PLACE IN BALLYGUNGE,ALONG WITH 6 OTHER PUPPIES…THIS ONE WAS THE LAST ONE TO BE BORN…THERE WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL IN HIM,THAT I CAN’T EXPLAIN,THAT MADE ME REQUEST MY FRIEND’S PA,TO GIVE IT TO ME,KNOWING VERY WELL THAT MY MA WILL BE VERY VERY ANGRY…SO WILL MY PA!!

I GOT OWNERSHIP OF THAT PUPPY ON MAY 8^TH AND BROUGHT IT HOME,HIDING HIM FROM MY PARENTS…BUT NOT FOR LONG…

WHEN I WAS CAUGHT THAT VERY DAY,I WAS ASKED TO RETURN HIM BUT I DID PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND EXPLAINED THAT HE WAS A HARMLESS,SMALL,CUTE LITTLE COTTONBALL WHICH WOULD BE GREAT FUN AND A COMPANION TOO.

MY PARENTS WENT QUIET FOR A WHILE AND AS DAYS PASSED BY “THEY” BECAME MORE FOND OF “BUBBLES”..HIS REGISTERED NAME..A.K.A.“BURAI” AS I CALLED HIM LOVINGLY..WITH MY PARENTS CALLING HIM ALL SORTS OF POSSIBLE PERMUTATION AND COMBINATION WHICH SUITED THEIR PAMPERING MOOD.

NOW MIND YOU, KEEPING A PET IS FUN BUT NOT FOR LONG!!WHEN THE TIME COMES TO TAKE ITS RESPONSIBILTIES,AS OF ANOTHER HOUSE MEMBER AND DOING ITS DAILY CHORES,,IT BECOMES DEMANDING.

AS BURAI GREW OLDER HE DEVELOPED A SPECIAL FASCINATION FOR MY MA..FOR MANGOES..FOR BANANAS…FOR HILSA AND FOR CHICKEN.HE WAS A BIG PROBLEM WHEN GUESTS TURNED UP OR WHEN THE TELEPHONE RANG…HE WOULD JUST BARK TILL HIS TONSILS COULD BE SEEN….HE WAS SOMEONE WHO WAS VERY VERY FOND OF EATING…PLAYING WITH PLASTIC BALLS AND WITH SUNRAYS!!

SOON HE DEVELOPED A RATHER WORRYING HABIT OF BITING.....EVEN ME,PA AND MA…WHEN HE VERY FOOLISHLY THOUGHT THAT WE HAD STEPPED ON HIS TAIL’S FRACTION PURPOSLY OR WHEN HE WOULD FEEL CHALLENGED THAT MAY BE HIS FOOD WOULD BE SHARED AMONG US!!WE DISCUSSED OF GIVING HIM AWAY,THOUGH HE HAD BEEN GIVEN HIS REGULAR DOSES OF ANTI RABBIES INJECTIONS.BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE…..WE JUST COULDN’T GIVE HIM AWAY AS WE WERE TOO FOND OF HIM BY THAT TIME AND WERE READY TO EXCUSE HIS INNOCENT MISTAKES..HE JUST DIDN’T KNOW THAT IT HURT WHEN HE BIT…THE VERY NEXT MOMENT HE WOULD CURL UP BESIDE US AND LICK US….SOMEHOW THAT MELTED THE CRIME IF HE HAD DONE ANY!!

ACTUALLY WE ALL AGREED THAT BITES FROM HUMANBEINGS ARE EVEN MORE POISONOUS AND REVENGEFUL WITH AN INTENT TO INFECT AND KILL…BUT HE WAS JUST AN INNOCENT DOG…OUR BURAI…SO WE KEPT ON LOVING HIM…FOR EVER.

7^TH DECEMBER,2008..AFTER THE LAST BATH ,BEFORE THE WINTER CHILL REALLY CAME,BURAI FELL SICK..HE WAS CONSULTED WITH A DOCTOR AND MEDICATED….HE STOPPED EATING..EVEN BANANAS.. MANGOES.. HILSA.. CHICKEN.. EVERYTHING..HE STOPPED WALKING…ME,MA AND PA FED HIM MILK,WITH BOURNVITA,COMPLAN AND HIS TABLETS POWDERED AND MIXED WITH THEM ALONG SIDE WATER, WITH A DROPPER..DAY AFTER DAY…BUT HE WAS DETERIORATING…ONLY LOOKING AT US WITH THOSE SAD EYES…DOCTOR WAS CONSULTED AGAIN…BUT EVEN THE VET. DIDN’T FIND ANY HOPE…!

AFTER THAT BURAI USED TO CRY THE WHOLE NIGHT..MAY BE IN PAIN OR MAY BE IN SADNESS…I USED TO BE AWAKE ALL NIGHT,EVEN AFTER MY SHOOT,GIVING A REST TO MY PARENTS WHO WERE LOOKING AFTER HIM ALL DAY.IT WAS AS IF I WAS TRYING TO SING A LULLABY TO A BABY..PATTING HIM SO THAT HE MAY FALL ASLEEP..WHEN HE DID STOP CRYING AND I SLOWLY SLIPPED TO MY BED…HE WOULD START CRYING AGAIN…NOW "WE" WERE FALLING SICK…DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO..

24^TH DECEMBER..WITH THE SAME ROUTINE..I WAS TO SHOOT FROM EARLY MORNING ON THE NEXT DAY, THE CHRISTMAS DAY.. 25^{TH DECEMBER .}…WITHOUT AN IOTA OF SLEEP,I GOT UP AND STARTED GETTING READY FOR MY SHOOT, AROUND 530AM,WHEN MA ENTERED MY ROOM AND ASKED ME TO SHIFT BURAI TO THEIR BEDROOM.I PICKED HIM UP IN MY LAP..HE LOOKED AT MA AS IF HE WAS TELLING "MA WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME?"!! AS MA WAS AFFECTIONATELY LAYING HER HANDS ON HIS HEAD…I SUDDENLY FELT HIS HEAD JUST HUNG OVER…PA FELT FOR HIS HEARTBEAT WITH HIS STETHOSCOPE BUT FOUND NONE…BURAI HAD DIED…AFTER LIVING EVERY MOMENT WITH US FOR 14YEARS..ON THE CHRISTMAS DAY!!I HAD TO BURY HIM AND THEN REPORT TO MY SHOOT..AT 8AM!!THE BURIAL GROUND WAS FAR..IT WAS A FOGGY.. CHILLY MORNING..A PERFECT DAY TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS..AND HERE I WAS, DRIVING BURAI TO THE BURIAL GROUND WITH HIM LOOKING AT ME ALL THE WHILE,EVEN AS HIS DEAD BODY WAS FASTENED WITH THE SEATBELT, BESIDE ME…I HAD BROUGHT HIM HOME 14YEARS AGO, WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING, WRAPPED IN A BLANKET,IN MY LAP..AND I BURIED HIM QUITE THE SAME….I MISS YOU……….BRO!!

AUGUST3^RD 2003,A LABRADOR PUPPY WAS BROUGHT IN MY COUSIN’S HOME,WHICH IS VERY MUCH MY HOME TOO…LIVING NEARBY.WE ALL NAMED HIM “RAHULBABA” AT FIRST,BUT VERY SOON WE REALIZED THAT WE HAD A REALLY CLOSE RELATIVE BY THAT NAME..SO WE BAPTIZED HIM TO “GUDDU”..I LOVINGLY CALLED HIM “GUDDUPUDDU /GUDDIBABA/ GUDLUPUDLU AND GOD KNOWS WHAT NOT!!HERE WAS THE MOST ADORABLE PUPPY WITH A HUGE APETITE FOR EVERYTHING..THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN THE FILM “MARLEY AND ME” WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!BUT HE WAS JUST AN ANGEL…INSPITE OF HIS SIZE AND GIRTH AS HE GREW..HE EASILY BECAME THE MOST LOVABLE LIVING THING IN THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD!!EVEN WHEN HE HAD STROLLED OFF TO DISCOVER THE WORLD AND GOT LOST,HE WAS RECOGNIZED AND RETURNED BACK SAFELY….HE HAD A PENCHANT FOR BISCUITS..FOR BREAD…FOR CHICKEN…..FOR ALMOST EVERYTHING TO BE SAFELY TUCKED IN HIS MOUTH..ANOTHER THING HE COULD GIVE HIS HEART FOR WAS A MASSAGE AND A LLLLLOT OF CUDDLE….HE WOULD JUST ATTACK ME…STAMP(EDE) ME…LIE OVER ME..LICK ME WET..PULL MY CLOTHES…JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT I DO CUDDLE HIM AND MASSAGE HIM AND TAKE HIM CLOSE TO ME AND HUG HIM AND KISS HIM……FEED HIM…GIVE HIM WATER TO DRINK…HE WAS MY CHOCOPIE….I WOULD TALK WITH HIM..UTTER NONSENSE AT TIMES…SENSE AT TIMES..HE WOULD JUST LISTEN AS IF HE WAS CONSIDERING AN ADVICE…HE WAS A LAZY BUM..JUST WOULDN’T RUN..TRIED TO TAKE HIM UP ON THE TREADMILL BUT HE THOUGHT THAT IT WAS SOME ENEMY OF HIS, WHO WAS TRYING TO MAKE HIM RUN AGAINST HIS WILL AND HENCE BARKED AND BIT AGAINST THE JOGGER WITH A VENGEANCE!!HIS EYES SHOWERED LOVE AND AFFECTION…NO ONE COULD HELP BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM….EVEN THE STAUNCHEST CANINE HATER…WOULD EVENTUALLY FALL FOR HIS CHARM AND INNOCENCE…!

I WOULD WONDER AT TIMES..HOW LUCKY GUDDU IS!!WHAT A BIRTH…!DEVOID OF ANY COMPLICATION..OF ANY NEGATIVITY..OR ANY SELFISH WANTS…..ALL HE WANTED WAS HIS FAVOURITE FOOD AND LOVE AND HE WOULD GIVE ME BACK HIS WARMTH…A WARMTH THAT NO HUMANBEING WOULD OR CAN EVER GENERATE.. UNCONDITIONAL ..LINEAR !!

HE HAD FALLEN TERRIBLY SICK AFTER ENGULFING FERTILIZER IN MERRIMENT, IN 2007…HE WAS SAVED BY THE DOCTOR’S TREATMENT THEN, BUT SOMETHING WENT AMISS INSIDE ,AS SIDE EFFECTS LIKE SEPTICS ON SKIN,HIGH FEVER AT TIMES ETC. PERSISTED..BUT NEVERTHELESS HE WAS EVER SO LIVELY…HE WAS GENERALLY A HEALTHY DOG….!!

BUT 21^ST JULY 2009,HE SUDDENLY STOPPED EATING …VOMMITTED WITH THE MOST PUNGENT SMELL,WHICH CARRIED SOME BLOOD TOO…DOCTOR WAS CALLED..HE INSPECTED HIGH FEVER,GAVE HIM 4 INJECTIONS..BUT ACTUAL REASONS OF HIS STRANGE,SUDDEN SICKNESS COULDN’T BE DIAGNOSED…TILL SOME TESTS WERE TO BE DONE THE NEXT DAY.HE DIDN’T GET UP THAT NIGHT..!

22^ND JULY 2009,7AM,HE WAS SEEN TO BE AS IF IN A SEVERE SHOCK AND HE COLLAPSED…HE DIED…DIED EVEN BEFORE WE COULD ALL UNDERSTAND WHY HE DIED!!

TODAY HE LIES BESIDE BURAI IN THE SAME BURIAL GROUND..PERHAPS THEIR SPIRITS CHATTING UP IN HEAVEN AND WATCHING HOW MUCH WE ALL MISS THEM….BUT FRANKLY,THOUGH I WAS VERY VERY SAD WHEN BURAI PASSED AWAY, STRANGELY I DIDN’T SHED A TEAR..PERHAPS BECAUSE HE WAS SUFFERING VERY BADLY FOR 3 WEEKS AND WE HAD SEEN HIM DEGENERATE INFRONT OF OUR EYES AND KNEW THAT HE WAS OLD..VERY OLD AND MAY BE WE ALL PRAYED TO GOD THAT HE MAY GRANT BURAI A REPRIEVE FROM HIS SUFFERINGS..MAY BE I JUST ACKNOWLEDGED HIS DEATH WITH PRACTICALITY…BUT IN CASE OF GUDDU WHO WAS A YOUNG SOUL..FULL OF LIFE,LOVE AND ENERGY..MY TEARS KNEW NO BOUNDS…JUST COULDN’T TAKE IT UP IN MY SYSTEM THAT GUDDU IS NO MORE….EVEN AT THIS MOMENT I FEEL HE WILL SUDDENLY ATTACK ME AND JUST PIN ME DOWN AND LICK ME AND BEG ME TO GIVE HIM A BISCUIT OR SOMETHING….I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THAT GUDDU IS NOT THERE ANYMORE …

BUT ONE CAN’T AVOID THE TRUTH…THE ETERNAL TRUTH OF LIFE AND DEATH…BUT I STILL LOVE YOU GUDLUPUDLU…I WILL SURELY MEET YOU UP THERE..SOMEDAY!!

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