GIVE AND SHARE..BE WITH GOD!

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IT HAS BEEN NEARLY 20 YEARS SINCE I HAVE DEDICATED MYSELF SERIOUSLY IN SOCIAL WORK.THE WHOLE PRACTISE STARTED, THANX TO MY SCHOOL,' S'T PAUL'S BOARDING AND DAY SCHOOL',WHEN I WAS A STUDENT THERE.MYSELF BEING A DAY SCHOLAR,I UNDERSTOOD THE PANGS AND LONGINGS OF MY FRIENDS IN THE BOARDING,WHO WERE NOT VERY WELL OFF AND MAJORLY ORPHANS...THAT'S WHERE THE THOUGHT OF 'GIVING AND SHARING' STRUCK ME VOCIFEROUSLY! FURTHER WE HAD AN OLD AGE HOME IN OUR PREMISE WHERE I WOULD JUST SHUDDER WITH THE THOUGHT,EVEN IN SUCH AN YOUNG AGE,OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME WHEN I AM AS OLD AND FRAIL AS THESE FOLKS ARE,WITH THEIR NEAR AND DEAR ONES DISCARDING THEM AFTER PEELING THE BANANA!!I WOULD CRY AT TIMES TO SEE THE LONELINESS,WHEN WE ALL USED TO VISIT THEM TO GIVE THEM GIFTS DURING EASTER AND CHRISTMAS.THERE WAS ANOTHER SOURCE OF MY PRESENT MINDFRAME OF DOING FOR UNDER-PRIVILEGED PEOPLE,ESPECIALLY FOR THE CHILDREN .....MY PROJECTS IN 'SOCIAL SERVICE' AND 'MORAL SCIENCE'....I WOULD,VERY SERIOUSLY,TAKE THE LESSONS LEARNT FROM MY MORAL SCIENCE CLASSES AND IMPLEMENT THEM IN MY LIFE OR OTHER'S LIVES...BUT..BEING A MORTAL,IT'S VERY VERY DIFFICULT TO BE A SAINT...WHEN YOU ARE BORN A SINNER!! SINCE THEN I HAVE DONE BIZZARE THINGS IN STATIONS,FOOTPATHS,ROADS,RED-LIGHT AREAS,MY HOUSEHOLD,NEIGHBOURHOOD, HERE IN KOLKATA,OTHER PARTS OF WEST BENGAL,OTHER PARTS OF INDIA AND MANY OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD,FOR PEOPLE WHO LACK WHATEVER, I HAVE IN EXCESS!! I HAVE NEVER EVER DONE THAT WITH ANY REGISTERED NGO OR ANY OTHER AGENCY AS,THE TYPE OF FIERCELY INDEPENDENT PERSON THAT I AM,I FELT IT OUTRIGHTLY PLAUSIBLE TO DO WHAT I LIKE TO DO,WITHOUT BEING UNDER ANYONE.I AM BORN ALONE...I LIKE TO LIVE ALONE...I KNOW I WILL DIE ALONE...THAT'S LIFE FOR ME...EVERYTHING POSING AS 'COMPANY'IS AN ILLUSION..A TEMPORARY ONE!! ..ANYWAY...THE REASON TO SHARE ALL THIS HIDDEN SOURCE OF HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE IS... THIS DIWALI..... I HAVE BEEN WITH SOME STREET-CHILDREN,FOR SOMETIME..AND HAD ASKED THEM, WHAT THEY WISHED ME TO DO FOR THEM, THIS DIWALI...ASKED THEIR DREAMS...WHICH I WOULD TRY TO FULFILL WITHIN MY CAPACITY....I WAS TOUCHED BY THEIR VERY SHORT LIST OF INNOCENT ASPIRATION... TO BE A 'WANTED'..'LONGED FOR'...'CARED FOR'...'LOVED' CHILD ON THIS DIWALI!! BELIEVE ME...YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN IN TEARS WHEN THIS VERY ANGELIC PINT SIZED CUTIE 'SHARIF'HUGGED ME AND SAID.."BHAIA, WOH *#@ (A POPULAR RESTAURANT) KA GUARD HUMEY BAHUT GALIYA DETA HAIN..BHAGA DETA HAIN..KYUN KI HUM NANGE HAIN..BHIKHARI HAIN IS LIYE...HUMEY US HOTEL ME LEKE CHALIYE,JAHAN WOHI GAURD HUME GOODMORNING BOLEGA AUR NIKALTE WAQT THANYOU BHI BOLEGA"...THAT'S 'HIS' REVENGE AGAINST MANKIND..AGAINST THIS UNFAIR JUSTICE OF GOD...!!WHAT HAPPENED WAS A HILARIOUS AND A GLORIOUS STORY,TO BE DISCUSSED IN A DIFFERENT FORUM..BUT THERE YOU ARE...THESE GUYS DO NOT WANT MONEY AS MUCH AS THEY WANT ACCEPTANCE IN THIS SOCIETY!! THE REASON THAT I AM SHARING THIS WITH YOU ALL IS BECAUSE I AM A VERY VERY VERY HAPPY MAN TODAY,AFTER I HAVE DONE WHAT I COULD DO, TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES,FOR SHARIF(RED),JAHANGIR(ORANGE),AKRAM(GREEN) AND MADE THEM VERY VERY VERY HAPPY SOULS,ATLEAST FOR TODAY,WHEN 90% OF US INDIANS WILL JUST BURN CRORES AND CRORES OF RUPEES JUST FOR THE SAKE OF ENJOYING!!I AM A CONTENDED MAN TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT THEY WILL GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT ATLEAST,WITH THE THOUGHT THAT,EVEN THEY ARE LOVED BY SOMEONE!! THANKYOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THIS THIRST OF GIVING,EVEN WHEN I COULD SPARE 10p,OR EVEN NOW WHEN I CAN SPARE 100p,OR TOMORROW WHEN I MAY SPEND Re1 OR GO BACK TO 10p ON THEM! SOMEONE WAS REASONING, QUITE RUDELY WITH ME THE OTHER DAY, WHEN I SAID TO HIM THAT ALL THIS EXTRAVAGANT PUJAS AND SO ON ARE BECOMING CYNICAL FROM MY POINT OF VIEW,IN A POOR POOR LAND LIKE OURS. WE 'WORSHIP' GOD ...BUT WE ARE SHOWING OFF AND COMPETING WITH OUR WORSHIP AND FAITH WITH MONEY, HERE!! HE REASONED THAT THESE FESTIVALS GIVE A LOT OF PEOPLE EMPLOYMENT AND GIVE ORDINARY PEOPLE ENJOYMENT OUT OF THEIR TENSED FREE LIVES!!I AGREE.. SOME PEOPLE DO GET EMPLOYED FOR 5 DAYS,BUT HAS HE REALLY CARED TO FIND OUT WHAT THAT ACCUMULATED AMOUNT OF INCOME OF THESE PEOPLE IS, IN RATIO WITH THE AMOUNT OF 'EXCESS' MONEY SPENT ON THEMES,LIGHTS ETC?I AGREE PEOPLE DO ENJOY...BUT DOESN'T HE HIMSELF REALIZE,THE 'ENJOYMENT' COMES WITH A VERY VERY STEEP AND UNNECESSARY COST THAT EVERYONE OF US HAVE TO CUT FROM OUR POCKETS, TO FILL THE TREASURIES OF THE INNUMERABLE ASSOCIATIONS,WHO CARRY ON WITH THE FESTIVITIES BEYOND THE CALENDAR DAYS OF THE PUJA,WASTING MONEY, ENERGY, ELCTRICITY, AND WHO ARE HELLBENT ON WINNING SENSELESS PRIZES AND DANCE SALSA ON NEWS CHANNELS,WHICH I MISTAKE AS 'ANIMAL PLANET' AT TIMES,FORGETTING THAT THIS MONEY AND ENERGY COULD HAVE BEEN OUTSOURCED TO THE NEEDY..TO THOSE WHO REALLY WANT A 'THEME' IN THEIR LIVES!! EVEN I BELIEVE IN FESTIVITY,IN HAPPINESS,IN BRIGHTNESS,IN TRUE FAITH...BARRING THE SHOW-OFF PART...BUT REALLY I DON'T SUPPORT THIS WASTAGE...IT'S SACRILEGE!! HENCE I HAVE WITHDRAWN FROM ALL SUCH OCCASIONS WHERE PEOPLE IN THEIR HERD-MENTALITY, WASTE THEIR HARD EARNED MONEY!!

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MISSING YOU BURAI....FEELING YOU EVERYWHERE GUDDU

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APRIL 21^ST,1995 A GERMAN SPITZ PUPPY WAS BORN IN ONE MY FRIEND’S PLACE IN BALLYGUNGE,ALONG WITH 6 OTHER PUPPIES…THIS ONE WAS THE LAST ONE TO BE BORN…THERE WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL IN HIM,THAT I CAN’T EXPLAIN,THAT MADE ME REQUEST MY FRIEND’S PA,TO GIVE IT TO ME,KNOWING VERY WELL THAT MY MA WILL BE VERY VERY ANGRY…SO WILL MY PA!!

I GOT OWNERSHIP OF THAT PUPPY ON MAY 8^TH AND BROUGHT IT HOME,HIDING HIM FROM MY PARENTS…BUT NOT FOR LONG…

WHEN I WAS CAUGHT THAT VERY DAY,I WAS ASKED TO RETURN HIM BUT I DID PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND EXPLAINED THAT HE WAS A HARMLESS,SMALL,CUTE LITTLE COTTONBALL WHICH WOULD BE GREAT FUN AND A COMPANION TOO.

MY PARENTS WENT QUIET FOR A WHILE AND AS DAYS PASSED BY “THEY” BECAME MORE FOND OF “BUBBLES”..HIS REGISTERED NAME..A.K.A.“BURAI” AS I CALLED HIM LOVINGLY..WITH MY PARENTS CALLING HIM ALL SORTS OF POSSIBLE PERMUTATION AND COMBINATION WHICH SUITED THEIR PAMPERING MOOD.

NOW MIND YOU, KEEPING A PET IS FUN BUT NOT FOR LONG!!WHEN THE TIME COMES TO TAKE ITS RESPONSIBILTIES,AS OF ANOTHER HOUSE MEMBER AND DOING ITS DAILY CHORES,,IT BECOMES DEMANDING.

AS BURAI GREW OLDER HE DEVELOPED A SPECIAL FASCINATION FOR MY MA..FOR MANGOES..FOR BANANAS…FOR HILSA AND FOR CHICKEN.HE WAS A BIG PROBLEM WHEN GUESTS TURNED UP OR WHEN THE TELEPHONE RANG…HE WOULD JUST BARK TILL HIS TONSILS COULD BE SEEN….HE WAS SOMEONE WHO WAS VERY VERY FOND OF EATING…PLAYING WITH PLASTIC BALLS AND WITH SUNRAYS!!

SOON HE DEVELOPED A RATHER WORRYING HABIT OF BITING.....EVEN ME,PA AND MA…WHEN HE VERY FOOLISHLY THOUGHT THAT WE HAD STEPPED ON HIS TAIL’S FRACTION PURPOSLY OR WHEN HE WOULD FEEL CHALLENGED THAT MAY BE HIS FOOD WOULD BE SHARED AMONG US!!WE DISCUSSED OF GIVING HIM AWAY,THOUGH HE HAD BEEN GIVEN HIS REGULAR DOSES OF ANTI RABBIES INJECTIONS.BUT IT WAS NOT TO BE…..WE JUST COULDN’T GIVE HIM AWAY AS WE WERE TOO FOND OF HIM BY THAT TIME AND WERE READY TO EXCUSE HIS INNOCENT MISTAKES..HE JUST DIDN’T KNOW THAT IT HURT WHEN HE BIT…THE VERY NEXT MOMENT HE WOULD CURL UP BESIDE US AND LICK US….SOMEHOW THAT MELTED THE CRIME IF HE HAD DONE ANY!!

ACTUALLY WE ALL AGREED THAT BITES FROM HUMANBEINGS ARE EVEN MORE POISONOUS AND REVENGEFUL WITH AN INTENT TO INFECT AND KILL…BUT HE WAS JUST AN INNOCENT DOG…OUR BURAI…SO WE KEPT ON LOVING HIM…FOR EVER.

7^TH DECEMBER,2008..AFTER THE LAST BATH ,BEFORE THE WINTER CHILL REALLY CAME,BURAI FELL SICK..HE WAS CONSULTED WITH A DOCTOR AND MEDICATED….HE STOPPED EATING..EVEN BANANAS.. MANGOES.. HILSA.. CHICKEN.. EVERYTHING..HE STOPPED WALKING…ME,MA AND PA FED HIM MILK,WITH BOURNVITA,COMPLAN AND HIS TABLETS POWDERED AND MIXED WITH THEM ALONG SIDE WATER, WITH A DROPPER..DAY AFTER DAY…BUT HE WAS DETERIORATING…ONLY LOOKING AT US WITH THOSE SAD EYES…DOCTOR WAS CONSULTED AGAIN…BUT EVEN THE VET. DIDN’T FIND ANY HOPE…!

AFTER THAT BURAI USED TO CRY THE WHOLE NIGHT..MAY BE IN PAIN OR MAY BE IN SADNESS…I USED TO BE AWAKE ALL NIGHT,EVEN AFTER MY SHOOT,GIVING A REST TO MY PARENTS WHO WERE LOOKING AFTER HIM ALL DAY.IT WAS AS IF I WAS TRYING TO SING A LULLABY TO A BABY..PATTING HIM SO THAT HE MAY FALL ASLEEP..WHEN HE DID STOP CRYING AND I SLOWLY SLIPPED TO MY BED…HE WOULD START CRYING AGAIN…NOW "WE" WERE FALLING SICK…DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO..

24^TH DECEMBER..WITH THE SAME ROUTINE..I WAS TO SHOOT FROM EARLY MORNING ON THE NEXT DAY, THE CHRISTMAS DAY.. 25^{TH DECEMBER .}…WITHOUT AN IOTA OF SLEEP,I GOT UP AND STARTED GETTING READY FOR MY SHOOT, AROUND 530AM,WHEN MA ENTERED MY ROOM AND ASKED ME TO SHIFT BURAI TO THEIR BEDROOM.I PICKED HIM UP IN MY LAP..HE LOOKED AT MA AS IF HE WAS TELLING "MA WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME?"!! AS MA WAS AFFECTIONATELY LAYING HER HANDS ON HIS HEAD…I SUDDENLY FELT HIS HEAD JUST HUNG OVER…PA FELT FOR HIS HEARTBEAT WITH HIS STETHOSCOPE BUT FOUND NONE…BURAI HAD DIED…AFTER LIVING EVERY MOMENT WITH US FOR 14YEARS..ON THE CHRISTMAS DAY!!I HAD TO BURY HIM AND THEN REPORT TO MY SHOOT..AT 8AM!!THE BURIAL GROUND WAS FAR..IT WAS A FOGGY.. CHILLY MORNING..A PERFECT DAY TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS..AND HERE I WAS, DRIVING BURAI TO THE BURIAL GROUND WITH HIM LOOKING AT ME ALL THE WHILE,EVEN AS HIS DEAD BODY WAS FASTENED WITH THE SEATBELT, BESIDE ME…I HAD BROUGHT HIM HOME 14YEARS AGO, WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING, WRAPPED IN A BLANKET,IN MY LAP..AND I BURIED HIM QUITE THE SAME….I MISS YOU……….BRO!!

AUGUST3^RD 2003,A LABRADOR PUPPY WAS BROUGHT IN MY COUSIN’S HOME,WHICH IS VERY MUCH MY HOME TOO…LIVING NEARBY.WE ALL NAMED HIM “RAHULBABA” AT FIRST,BUT VERY SOON WE REALIZED THAT WE HAD A REALLY CLOSE RELATIVE BY THAT NAME..SO WE BAPTIZED HIM TO “GUDDU”..I LOVINGLY CALLED HIM “GUDDUPUDDU /GUDDIBABA/ GUDLUPUDLU AND GOD KNOWS WHAT NOT!!HERE WAS THE MOST ADORABLE PUPPY WITH A HUGE APETITE FOR EVERYTHING..THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN THE FILM “MARLEY AND ME” WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!BUT HE WAS JUST AN ANGEL…INSPITE OF HIS SIZE AND GIRTH AS HE GREW..HE EASILY BECAME THE MOST LOVABLE LIVING THING IN THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD!!EVEN WHEN HE HAD STROLLED OFF TO DISCOVER THE WORLD AND GOT LOST,HE WAS RECOGNIZED AND RETURNED BACK SAFELY….HE HAD A PENCHANT FOR BISCUITS..FOR BREAD…FOR CHICKEN…..FOR ALMOST EVERYTHING TO BE SAFELY TUCKED IN HIS MOUTH..ANOTHER THING HE COULD GIVE HIS HEART FOR WAS A MASSAGE AND A LLLLLOT OF CUDDLE….HE WOULD JUST ATTACK ME…STAMP(EDE) ME…LIE OVER ME..LICK ME WET..PULL MY CLOTHES…JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT I DO CUDDLE HIM AND MASSAGE HIM AND TAKE HIM CLOSE TO ME AND HUG HIM AND KISS HIM……FEED HIM…GIVE HIM WATER TO DRINK…HE WAS MY CHOCOPIE….I WOULD TALK WITH HIM..UTTER NONSENSE AT TIMES…SENSE AT TIMES..HE WOULD JUST LISTEN AS IF HE WAS CONSIDERING AN ADVICE…HE WAS A LAZY BUM..JUST WOULDN’T RUN..TRIED TO TAKE HIM UP ON THE TREADMILL BUT HE THOUGHT THAT IT WAS SOME ENEMY OF HIS, WHO WAS TRYING TO MAKE HIM RUN AGAINST HIS WILL AND HENCE BARKED AND BIT AGAINST THE JOGGER WITH A VENGEANCE!!HIS EYES SHOWERED LOVE AND AFFECTION…NO ONE COULD HELP BUT FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM….EVEN THE STAUNCHEST CANINE HATER…WOULD EVENTUALLY FALL FOR HIS CHARM AND INNOCENCE…!

I WOULD WONDER AT TIMES..HOW LUCKY GUDDU IS!!WHAT A BIRTH…!DEVOID OF ANY COMPLICATION..OF ANY NEGATIVITY..OR ANY SELFISH WANTS…..ALL HE WANTED WAS HIS FAVOURITE FOOD AND LOVE AND HE WOULD GIVE ME BACK HIS WARMTH…A WARMTH THAT NO HUMANBEING WOULD OR CAN EVER GENERATE.. UNCONDITIONAL ..LINEAR !!

HE HAD FALLEN TERRIBLY SICK AFTER ENGULFING FERTILIZER IN MERRIMENT, IN 2007…HE WAS SAVED BY THE DOCTOR’S TREATMENT THEN, BUT SOMETHING WENT AMISS INSIDE ,AS SIDE EFFECTS LIKE SEPTICS ON SKIN,HIGH FEVER AT TIMES ETC. PERSISTED..BUT NEVERTHELESS HE WAS EVER SO LIVELY…HE WAS GENERALLY A HEALTHY DOG….!!

BUT 21^ST JULY 2009,HE SUDDENLY STOPPED EATING …VOMMITTED WITH THE MOST PUNGENT SMELL,WHICH CARRIED SOME BLOOD TOO…DOCTOR WAS CALLED..HE INSPECTED HIGH FEVER,GAVE HIM 4 INJECTIONS..BUT ACTUAL REASONS OF HIS STRANGE,SUDDEN SICKNESS COULDN’T BE DIAGNOSED…TILL SOME TESTS WERE TO BE DONE THE NEXT DAY.HE DIDN’T GET UP THAT NIGHT..!

22^ND JULY 2009,7AM,HE WAS SEEN TO BE AS IF IN A SEVERE SHOCK AND HE COLLAPSED…HE DIED…DIED EVEN BEFORE WE COULD ALL UNDERSTAND WHY HE DIED!!

TODAY HE LIES BESIDE BURAI IN THE SAME BURIAL GROUND..PERHAPS THEIR SPIRITS CHATTING UP IN HEAVEN AND WATCHING HOW MUCH WE ALL MISS THEM….BUT FRANKLY,THOUGH I WAS VERY VERY SAD WHEN BURAI PASSED AWAY, STRANGELY I DIDN’T SHED A TEAR..PERHAPS BECAUSE HE WAS SUFFERING VERY BADLY FOR 3 WEEKS AND WE HAD SEEN HIM DEGENERATE INFRONT OF OUR EYES AND KNEW THAT HE WAS OLD..VERY OLD AND MAY BE WE ALL PRAYED TO GOD THAT HE MAY GRANT BURAI A REPRIEVE FROM HIS SUFFERINGS..MAY BE I JUST ACKNOWLEDGED HIS DEATH WITH PRACTICALITY…BUT IN CASE OF GUDDU WHO WAS A YOUNG SOUL..FULL OF LIFE,LOVE AND ENERGY..MY TEARS KNEW NO BOUNDS…JUST COULDN’T TAKE IT UP IN MY SYSTEM THAT GUDDU IS NO MORE….EVEN AT THIS MOMENT I FEEL HE WILL SUDDENLY ATTACK ME AND JUST PIN ME DOWN AND LICK ME AND BEG ME TO GIVE HIM A BISCUIT OR SOMETHING….I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THAT GUDDU IS NOT THERE ANYMORE …

BUT ONE CAN’T AVOID THE TRUTH…THE ETERNAL TRUTH OF LIFE AND DEATH…BUT I STILL LOVE YOU GUDLUPUDLU…I WILL SURELY MEET YOU UP THERE..SOMEDAY!!

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TO MY DEAREST MJ

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MY DEAREST MJ,<script data-ad-client="ca-pub-7793499699554504" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>

AS I WAS WATCHING YOUR CONCERT IN BUCHAREST IN 92’ TONIGHT I COULDN’T HOLD BACK MY TEARS!! I REALLY STILL DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE TILL DATE, THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE, UNTILL SUDDENLY AFTER SEEING THE WHOLE CONCERT AND LISTENING TO ALL THOSE MEMORABLE SONGS TONIGHT, WHICH BROUGHT BACK SO SO SO MANY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES,I REALISED THAT THERE WILL BE NO SUCH PERFORMER AGAIN TO ROCK THE DIAS LIKE YOU DO,ANYWHERE IN THIS UNIVERSE,EVVVVER!!…I CRIED…HIDING MY FACE FROM MY FOLKS…A STRANGE SADNESS GRIPPED MY HEART…I CRIED INCESSANTLY …..MAKING SURE NOT TO MAKE ANY NOISE…MY DOG LOOKED AT ME WITH A CONFUSED LOOK…CAME TO ME AND LICKED MY CHEEK,AS IF HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME “DON’T CRY BRO…GOD TOOK HIM TO LESSEN HIS SUFFERING AND MAKE HIM IMMORTAL….HE JUST CAN’T DIE”!!

MY DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN CLASS IV AND AS I WAS WATCHING A FAVOURITE PROGRAMME OF MINE IN DELHI DOORDARSHAN ON A FRIDAY CALLED “THE WORLD THIS WEEK” HOSTED BY A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN NAMED “MR.PRONNOY ROY”,THE LAST SEGMENT WAS ENTERTAINMENT AND HAD A VIDEO CLIP OF A SONG CALLED “BAD” WITH YOU DANCING IN A GARAGE WITH MUSIC AND MOVES THAT SHOOK ME!! NEXT MONDAY WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL AND DISCUSSED IT WITH MY FRIENDS,THEY SEEMED TO KNOW IT ALL!! THEY, BEING PREDOMINANTLY FROM A CHRISTIAN BACKGROUND,EVEN DESCRIBED YOUR PREVIOUS ALBUMS “THRILLER”,”OFF THE WALL”, “BEN”, “GOT TO BE THERE”, “MUSIC AND ME” ETC. THEY EVEN SANG THE SONGS FROM THEM AND SHOWED THE DANCE MOVES IN THE GRAVEYARD FROM “THRILLER”!! MY CURIOSITY KNEW NO BOUNDS.I WENT BACK TO MY HOUSE AND NARRATED THE WHOLE INCIDENT TO MY MA AND LATER TO MY PA!!MY HOUSE BEING A STRICTLY MIDDLE-CLASS BENGALI ONE WITH CONSERVATIVE VALUES TOOK MY CURIOSITY AS A BLASPHEMY AND ASKED ME TO TAKE MORE INTEREST IN STUDIES,RATHER THAN THESE “USSRINKHOL”(LEWD) WESTERN SONGS!!MY MA THOUGHT THAT DISASTER WAS IMMINENT AND BLAMED MY PA TO ADMIT ME IN A MISSIONARY SCHOOL WHERE ALL THAT WAS TAUGHT WAS ALL “THIS” AND WHERE BOYS WITH WESTERN BACKGROUND WOULD TEACH ME NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE BUT ALL “THIS”!! BUT SOMEHOW EVEN ALL OF 9 YEARS AS I WAS THEN, I WAS A REBEL.I DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT ALL THAT STRENGTH TO CRY GALLONS AND STARVE MYSELF IF PA WOULDN’T BUY ME A CASSETTE OF “BAD”,WHICH ALMOST ALL MY FRIENDS HAD BY THAT TIME AND I WAS TOO PRESTIGE CONSCIOUS TO REQUEST ANYONE TO LEND ME A COPY!! WELL…. AFTER SOMEDAYS,SEEING THEIR ONLY CHILD SO DESPERATELY CRAVING FOR SOMETHING,MADE THEM CURIOUS TOO AND ON MY BIRTHDAY I GOT THIS GIFT WRAPPED CASSETTE OF A DIFFERENT DESIGN FROM CBS,COSTING RS45(WHICH MY MA THOUGHT WAS A FORTUNE),WITH YOU POSING…CALLED “BAD”….I WASN’T SO HAPPY EVER IN MY LIFE AGAIN!!I THOUGHT I HAVE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE…..AND THUS STARTED MY JOURNEY WITH YOU…PLAYING ALL THE SONGS AGAIN AND AGAIN…SOMETIMES IN FULL VOLUME WHEN NO ONE WOULD BE THERE AT HOME..MEMORISE THEM AND DANCE AS IF I HAD NO WORRIES IN LIFE!!I BECAME A HERO AMONG MY NON-BENGALI FRIENDS WHERE I WOULD ENTERTAIN THEM WITH ALL THESE SONGS OF YOURS,PERFORM ON TEACHER’S DAY OR SCHOOL FEST!!YOUR’S WAS THE FIRST EVER ENGLISH ALBUM I INHERITED, OF THE PRESENT HUGE COLLECTION THAT I HAVE!!MANY OF MY CASSETTES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED BY FUNGUS BUT ALL YOUR ALBUMS ARE ALMOST INTACT ,WHICH I TRIED TO SAVE AS BEST AS POSSIBLE,THOUGH I BOUGHT CD BACK UPS LATER!!

DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER THIS SONG “LIBERIAN GIRL” WHICH I SANG LIKE NO ONE COULD,IN A COMPETITION AND WON MANY HEARTS INCLUDING SOMEONE SPECIAL…SOMEONE CALLED “SANJANA SANGHVI” WHOM I DID MEET JUST FOR THAT ONE EVENING…THOSE WERE THE DAYS WHERE WE COULDN’T BE EQUIPPED WITH CELL PHONES TO STORE CONTACTS…I LOST HER IN THE CROWD BEFORE EVEN GETTING TO WRITE DOWN HER LANDLINE NUMBER!!! BUT MANY OF MY OWN COMPOSITIONS WERE INSPIRED BY HER…WHICH I WILL RELEASE FOR SURE IN FUTURE…..MAY BE SHE WILL GET TO LISTEN TO IT AND LIKE IT(EVEN IF THEY ARE IN BENGALI)AS SHE LIKED IT THAT EVENING….MAY BE SHE WILL GET BACK TO ME….MAY BE…BUT IT WAS AND WILL BE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!

DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER WHILE I WAS IN USA,DURING 2001-2002 AND YOUR “INVINCIBLE” RELEASED,I HAD THIS STRONG URGE TO SEE YOU ATLEAST ONCE IN MY LIFETIME.MY SHIP WAS DOCKED IN GALVESTON.BUT I REACHED 2 DAYS EARLIER AT HOUSTON ,WHERE IT WAS SCHEDULED TO ARRIVE AND HENCE WAS BAYED AT RAMADA INN.I READ THAT YOU HAD PARTED WITH SONY, BY WHICH PUBLICITY FOR “INVINCIBLE” WOULD TAKE A BEATING ETC.!!I HEARD THAT YOU WERE IN NEVERLAND AT THAT POINT OF TIME.I BECAME ADVENTUROUS!!KNOWING VERY WELL THAT I MAY BE SHOW-CAUSED BY MY COMPANY I CALLED UP MY AGENT PATRICK(IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY)AND EXPRESSED MY WISH TO VISIT YOUR DREAMLAND…NEVERLAND RANCH… WITH A WISH TO SEE YOU,ATLEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE…ALL ON MY EXPENSE!!BUT HE BROKE MY TRUST AND SECRETLY REPORTED MY TRAVEL PLANS TO MY COMPANY AND AS I PREPEARING TO FLY OFF FROM HOUSTON TO CALIFORNIA AND COME BACK AGAIN WITHIN THAT DAY…SADLY I WAS ORDERED BY MY COMPANY NOT LEAVE THE HOTEL PREMISES BEFORE SIGNING ON THE SHIP!!SO…. WHILE YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME AT YOUR RANCH “MAY BE”,I WAS BUYING “INVINCIBLE” IN WALL MART!!THANX TO “ST.PATRICK”!!

DEAREST MJ,

I FOLLOWED YOUR UPS AND DOWNS FROM 1987 TILL 2009 VERY CLOSELY,SINCE I GOT ADDICTED TO YOU.I KEPT ON HEARING AND READING STRANGE THINGS ABOUT YOU,COMMENTS FROM ABSOLUTE IMBECILES,NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT MUSIC,NOT KNOWING HOW TO RESPECT AN ARTIST,SEEING YOUR INSULT IN PUBLIC AND THINKING FROM AN ARTIST’S POINT OF VIEW,OF WHAT YOU MUST BE GOING THROUGH MENTALLY….I MUST SAY THAT THERE WAS A PREMONITION OF SUCH A CALAMITY IN MY MIND AS FAR AS YOUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL STATE WAS CONCERNED!!THOUGH THESE PARASITES WERE LESS IN NUMBER COMPARED TO ALL THOSE GAZZZILIONS WHO LOVED YOU HERE OR IN ANY OTHER PLANET,STILL THERE WAS SOMETHNG ILL-FATED IN YOUR NATAL CHARTS THAT MADE THESE SCUMBAGS “SEEMINGLY” ALL POWERFUL!!BUT LITTLE THAT THEY REALIZED… YOU, BEING SO CLOSE TO GOD, WOULD TEACH “THEM” A LESSON INSTEAD,BY JUST VANISHING PHYSICALLY FROM EARTH,LEAVING THESE SINNERS, ALIVE, TO DEAL WITH THEIR LIES,TO LIVE WITH THEIR DECEIT,WITH THEIR BREACH OF TRUST,WITH THEIR “HARD EARNED” MILLIONS FROM YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS…THE REST OF THEIR GOD DAMN LIVES!!MAY GOD KEEP THEM ALIVE AND MAKE THEM INSOMNIACS AND MAKE THEM MENTALLY DERANGED AND GIVE THEM ALL KINDS OF PAIN AND HARDSHIPS MULTIPLIED BY INFINITY, WHICH THEY HAVE INFLICTED ON YOU!! FOR ME YOUR PERSONAL LIFE COMES AFTER YOUR WORK…YOUR IMMORTAL WORK OF ART….SO I WILL LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE KEEPING “THEM” CLOSE TO MY HEART..YOU WILL BE THERE WITH ME FOREVER…!!

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DEEAREST MJ,

MAY BE NOW,HEAVENLY AS YOU ARE,YOU WILL TAKE NOTICE THAT THIS MAN ,WHO WAS ONCE A BOY, YOUR ARDENT FAN, WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE A MARK IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY IN HIS OWN WAY,FIGHTING HIS OWN BATTLE IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD,NEEDS YOUR BLESSINGS…….PLEASE COME IN MY DREAMS ATLEAST ONCE..I WANT TO SHAKE HANDS WITH YOU….”I WANNA ROCK WITH YOU..ALL NIGHT”!!!!!!!

END OF RAJPOTH/NIKHIL

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The question is what’s my feeling that yet another family of mine,RAJPOTH, breaks up barely after one year!! Here’s the answer..a bit prolonged I guess,but that’s the way Trisha,Ipsitadi,Somdutta,Sucheta etc. from my orkut friendlist, all over the world,who followed my work as NIKHIL, religiously,wanted to hear from me!! Well ,first of all I do not feel a heartbreak ala Dr.Shurjo Sen of Khela…the reason being,sadly.. Nikhil my character in Rajpoth,didn’t turn out to be even half as promising to what was narrated to me in the casting session…though undoubtedly,it was a challenge to play a person with so many shades…but somehow the boat carrying Nikhil faltered in the whirlpool,for reasons beyond Nikhil’s or my control!! In one line one can say that “the boat headed to discover India,but found West Indies…not a mean achievement by any standards…. but not to the destination for which Nikhil and me had set sail on june 18th-08”!! But during the course of my journey as Nikhil ,whatever the consequences might have been and to wherever I may have drifted,I thought from the onset that I should make it a point to keep “my” main engine astute,the pressure and volume in the cylinders intact,the alarm trips ongaurd,the boilers warm,the auxilliary engine standby,the coolers head-on,turbochargers supercharged and the fuel supply continuous… …all in all “ I am” successful I guess,to some extent as the director and producer’s very happy and they have gone on record, inprint about this(Aajkaal-13-12-08)!! PLUS THERE IS THIS DELUGE OF ANTI-HATE MAILS AND SCRAPS FOR MY PERFORMANCE AS NIKHIL,AMONG THE OCCASIONAL HATE-COATED ONES TOO(without a proper view and reasoning apart from the mandatory “you are not looking as handsome as Dr.Shurjo Sen…which was quite true though”)!! They have made me believe that whatever I was doing ,was right and my boat may go astray, but the sailor has given no place to complain in piloting it through troubled waters to a landmass,nevertheless and didn’t let it drown afterall,even if the mother ship sank prematuredly,due to so MANY MANY MANY reasons,best forgotten, to gear up for a new and better tomorrow!! What I ACTUALLY feel terribly bad about, is that a family,comprising my co- actors,some great friends and guardians,Asish-my hair stylist,Avijit-my make-up man,Manik-my dresser and all others in my unit….has been broken up..and we have all drifted apart…to our respective pockets of work professionally…but the bonding will remain forever,which was absolutely visible through the gallons of teardrops shedded,in the farewell party,by everyone of us!!

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ABOUT "NIKHIL" IN RAJPOTH

IT HAS BEEN NEARLY A YEAR THAT <script data-ad-client="ca-pub-7793499699554504" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>RAJPOTH" IS ON AIR ON ZEE BANGLA,BUT I HAVEN'T REALLY SPOKEN ABOUT "NIKHIL" MY CHARACTER,MY VIEWS ON HIM ETC....TILL DATE..WELL HERE I AM READY TO DO SO...... "KHELA" ENDED ON A SATURDAY IN 2008,WITH THE ROMANTIC,DASHING "DR.SHURJO SEN" BIDDING A FAREWELL AND "RAJPOTH" STARTED ITS JOURNEY ON THE VERY NEXT MONDAY WITH ME AS THE INSECURED, INTROVERT, SLY, PASSIONATE, CARING, CROOKED,VIOLENT,EMOTIONAL,DRAMATIC "NIKHIL"!! "NIKHIL"...WITH A FRENCH CUT, SPORTING A VERY VERY DIFFERENT HAIR DO,VERY DIFFERENT BODY LANGUAGE,TOTALLY...DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSITE TO "SHURJO", WAS ABSOLUTELY SHUNNED AND PANNED BY MAJORITY FROM DAY ONE..BE IT LOOKWISE OR CONTENT AND ACTING STYLEWISE...THOUGH I MUST SAY THERE WERE THOSE WHO HAD LIKED MY NEW LOOK AND DIFFERENT AVATAR,BUT THEY WERE VERY FEW IN NUMBER!! I SULKED,EXPRESSED MY DEPRESSION TO MY PRODUCER MR.INDRANIL SEN.........HE JUST SAID"BOBBYY JUST GIVE THE CHARACTER A BIT OF TIME TO GROW..I CAN ASSURE YOU WILL WIN HEARTS.." !! HE WAS RIGHT!! I UNDERSTOOD ANOTHER THING THAT WE BENGALIS AND INDIANS IN GENERAL,DO NOT WELCOME TOO MUCH OF A REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE IN OUR LIVES..EVEN IN AN ACTOR IN OUR DRAWING ROOMS,WHO HAS CAUGHT OUR IMAGINATION, FOR THAT MATTER ...WE ALL WANT HIM TO GO ON DOING THE SAME THINGS FOR EVER...BUT I BEG TO DEFY...FOR ME "CHANGE" IS A MUST IN LIFE.."CHANGE" IS THE NATURAL WAY OF EVOLUTION..THE MORE WE WELCOME A POSITIVE CHANGE IN OUR LIVES, THE MORE WE WILL EVOLVE AS HUMANBEINGS...HENCE, OFF I WENT ALONG WITH "NIKHIL" WITH INDRANILDA BY MY SIDE ALWAYS AND THEN JOY DA(sadly he is no more a part of RAJPOTH)TO ENCOURAGE ME, TO ENJOY, PLAYING A VERY VERY INTERESTING CHARACTER CALLED "NIKHIL"!!THANX TO THEM. A VERY COMMON ALLEGATION IS THROWN TOWARDS ME FROM PEOPLE(who i am sure are NOT the regular veiwers of RAJPOTH unlike Trisha,Ipsitadi,Debjani,Somdutta,Debanjana,Sucheta,Orko,Anuradha,Chayan and many of my other friends in Orkut who inspite of their own hectic schedule,religiously watch my work and give healthy suggestions..without a miss..thanx to all of them)THAT NIKHIL IS TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL AND LOUD!! WELL I HAVE GRACEFULLY HEARD THEIR POINT AND RESPECT THEIR VIEWS BUT SADLY IF THEY WOULD HAVE SEEN NIKHIL REGULARLY, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO CARELESS IN THEIR COMMENTS. THAT'S BECAUSE NIKHIL'S A VERY VERY INTROVERT PERSON,FILLED WITH INNER THOUGHTS,INNER MENTAL WAR,VENGEANCE FOR HIS FATHER'S DEATH,SISTER'S MISMARRIAGE,UNHAPPY MARITAL LIFE ETC...SUCH A PERSON MAY BECOME OVERTLY EMOTIONAL OR VIOLENT ONLY WHEN THE STRINGS OF ENDURANCE SNAPS...THAT'S HOW I SEE HIM... "KHUB THHANDA CHHELE...KINTU REGE GELE CHONDAAL...KHUB TARATARI CHOKHE JOL ASHE..KHUB TARATARI DUKKHO PAY ABAR ANONDER JOWARE BHESHE JETEO SHOMOY LAGENA!!KHUB UNPREDICTABLE!!" I AM SURE SUCH PEOPLE ARE VERY VERY VERY COMMON IN OUR DAILY LIVES TOO AND SO NIKHIL, BECOMING LOUD AND OUT OF CONTROL'S ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED WITHIN A CERTAIN PARAMETER....AND MIND YOU THERE ARE UNCOUNTABLE PEOPLE AT ORKUT,IN PUBLIC PLACES,PARTIES,SHOWS ETC WHO HAVE COME UP TO ME AND SPECIFICALLY SAID THAT THEY ARE SWEPT AWAY WITH NIKHIL'S EMOTION..THAT'S MORE VALUABLE FOR ME THAN ANY AWARD OR ANY REVIEW!! ONE MUST UNDERSTAND..THIS IS NO CHILD'S PLAY AND WHAT WE ARE DEALING WITH ,IS A HIGH TRP GROSSING PROGRAMME ON THE PRIMETIME SLOT OF 9PM,OF A LEADING REGIONAL CHANNEL ..ZEEBANGLA,FROM A LEADING PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR.. WHERE BIG BIG BIG MONEY IS INVOLVED..SO I AM SURE WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING AND MAKING ME DO, IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE ENTERTAINMENT AND POSITIVE FEEDBACK OF PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE WORLD AND NOT REALLY GETTING DEFOCUSSED BY SOME CARELESS COMMENTS HERE AND THERE!! ANOTHER ALLEGATION'S THAT, I DO NOT LOOK AS HANDSOME AS I USED TO, IN "KHELA"...A LITTLE BOY WAS THE LAST INCLUSION IN THAT LIST IN THE KOLKATA FASHION WEEK,WHEN HE SAID THE SAME TO ME...BUT HE ADDED THAT HE CRIES WHEN NIKHIL CRIES!!HE GETS ANGRY WHEN NIKHIL GETS ANGRY!!...HMMMMMMM.. A BIT ASPIRING FOR A 12YEAR OLD I THOUGHT..BUT YES MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE LITTLE BOY'S COMMENT WAS ...NIKHIL HAS CONNECTED!! AS PER THE LOOKS ARE CONCERNED, THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS THAT WE ARE DEALING WITH AND NOT JUST AN AMATUER PLAY..WHAT I MEAN TO SAY IS, BEFORE THE PROJECT OF THIS SCALE HAD STARTED, WE ALL HAD A CAST MEETING,A LOOK AND MAKE-UP TEST ETC...I KNEW FROM THE FIRST THAT NIKHIL WOULD NOT LOOK LIKE A PRINCE OR LIKE "SHURJO"..EVEN INDRANILDA KNEW IT I AM SURE...BUT THE CHALLENGE WAS ..IT'S MY PERFORMANCE THAT WILL MATTER...... LOOKS ARE SECONDARY... MORE SO BECAUSE EVERYONE IS NOT GOODLOOKING IN REAL LIFE BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP HIM OR HER FROM BEING INTERESTING AND ENTERPRISING!! I CHOSE TO REPRESENT NIKHIL FROM AMONG THEM!! AT THE SAME TIME THERE ARE UNCOUNTABLE WHO HAVE LIKED MY EXPERIMENTATION WITH MY LOOK AND APPRECIATED IT!! HENCE NIKHIL WILL LOOK THE WAY HE LOOKS UNTIL HE HAS A "BAD SHAVE" DAY OR I GROW TIRED AND FED UP PLAYING NIKHIL!! "RAJPOTH" ITSELF HAS DARED TO BE DIFFERENT WITHIN ITS VARIOUS LIMITATIONS, NOT TO BE ANOTHER AVERAGE DAILY SOAP!!HERE ALMOST EVERY CHARACTER IS GREY,POWER HUNGRY,OPPORTUNIST..(as in real life)..SUCH A THRILLING STORYLINE FILLED WITH CRIME,EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIR,VIOLENCE ETC. WAS A BIG BET AND CHALLENGE TOWARDS THE SENSIBILITIES OF THE PEOPLE WHO DO SEE BENGALI DAILY SOAPS, WITHOUT REALLY DISRESPECTING BENGALI SOAPS,LIKE MANY LEARNED,RESPECTABLE PEOPLE!!SOMEWHERE "RAJPOTH" HAS CONNECTED AND STRUCK A CHORD!! WAY TO GO...... A VERY INTERESTING INCIDENT JUST HAPPENED SOME DAYS BACK....I WAS OUT FOR SOME MARKETTING IN A MALL..WHEN I WAS CONFRONTED BY GROUP FROM BANGLADESH,HERE FOR MEDICAL REASONS. THE WOMEN IN THE GROUP WERE VERY EXCITED TO SEE ME AND THEY SAID(i am trying to quote their volley of questions).."BESH BHALOI TO CHHILEN, KI DORKAR CHHILO BOLUN TO EI TAKAPOYSHA NIYE?..BOU BHUL KORECHHE..O TO KHOMA CHEYECHHILO..OKEY MAAF NA KORE APNIO JORIYE PORLEN SECRETARYR SHATHE?ETA KI THIK HOLO?ABAR TAKEY KHUN-O KORLEN? SHUKHE THAKTE BHOOTE KILOY??EKBAR BON-TARE DYAKHTE ZAITE PARLA NA,KEMON DADA TUMI??"..I WAS ALMOST CORNERED BY THEM AND MIND YOU THEY WERE NOT JOKING WITH ME..THEY WERE DEAD SERIOUS ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE ASKING...AS IF THEY LIVED WITH NIKHIL...I COULD MAKE OUT FROM THEIR FACES..I THOUGHT FOR A WHILE...SMILED ON THE INSIDE...EXCUSED MYSELF ON BEHALF OF NIKHIL....AND RETURNED HOME A HAPPY MAN!! I REMEMBERED SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME.."PEOPLE MAY HATE YOUR CHARACTER THAT YOU ARE PLAYING, BUT MAKE SURE THEY DON'T HATE YOUR PERFORMANCE"!!

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HELPLESS "WE"

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"WE" the INNOCENT..."YOU"R CHILDREN...helpless in the hands of "THEY" the DEVIL!! "THEY" are ready to disgrace our lives...ready to take away everything "YOU" have given us...THIS LIFE ITSELF!! Why can't "YOU" strike and counterstrike on these merciless pests,who create mayhem on earth,taking the shape of "us"? Why can't "YOU" annihilate this curse of mankind before they take innocent lives,at will, like this? What good,is it for "YOU" to let these devil incarnates rape,rule and disobey what "YOU" have given us...??This life!!!

Over the past 2 days i am really really very tensed with the safety of my relatives,my friends,my colleagues in mumbai...some of whom were saved by providence,some injured,some shocked....but some KILLED TOO!! Here i ask "YOU"....if "YOU" are the ruler,if "YOU" are the almighty,if "YOU" have created and controlled everything since the birth of life and beyond.....then who are these "THEY" who dare to challenge "YOU" and even win over "YOU"?? Does that mean the END is very near??? Does that ominously signify that "YOU" are losing??? Does that make "US" mere toys in the hands of these dirty,morbid "THEY"??

ANSWER ME....I AM WAITING....SO ARE THOSE MILLIONS WHO ARE GRIEVED AND SHOCKED AND ANGRY AT YOUR INACTIVITY AND WEAKNESS!! PLEASE DON'T BE DIPLOMATIC...BE HONEST...THE HELPLESS "WE" REALLY NEED TO EVALUATE THE REAL STATUS OF THEIR LIVES AND DEATH!!

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My dearest Pat Da!!

2006...i first worked with you..in an uttam kumar classic.."bilombito loy" reprise....a brief encounter of two days...didn't have the time to settle down for a rendezvous!! 

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2008..14 june..."rajpoth" launched...we both were playing maternal cousins....you..rahul..me...nikhil...started meeting almost everyday...started interacting with you...exchanged ideas...had private parties...chatted up...worked together in tandem....last time i worked with you was on 4th october..2008...mohapanchami....you alarmingly yellow with jaundice....got your frantic calls during pujas about your high temperature....couldn't meet you during that time..assuring myself that you were in proper hands....suddenly on the 14th i heard you are admitted in kothari medical centre....i rush to see you....taking special permission, for you were in the I.T.U....where non-medical people are not allowed...but strangely i was,among the very few outsiders!!..i thank my stars because i wouldn't have talked with you for the last time otherwise...wouldn't have cried at seeing your alarming state...couldn't have kissed your palm and said that.."you said that you are a phoenix bird pat-da..you have to survive".....i started frequenting the hospital...never to see or talk with you again..as your condition kept deteriorating....you being put in ventilation...and then on 7th november 2008...i get a call at 8 am from moumitadi that you are no more.....i rush to see you for the last time....see you in your eternal sleep..smiling your princely smile...i follow you to your home...then to the crematorium..where i left you all alone by yourself to travel to the other world....me driving as fast and far as i could...and crying all my tears out in wildnerness.....!!! As i entered the make up room today....i could feel your presence everywhere..your voice resonating....you giving me a hug...you appreciating my work..you sharing your food...you asking me to let you sleep on my lap.....you smiling...joking...keeping the make up room alive....i cry again..probably i will for the rest of my life..because i do not care what anyone may say about you...but me being one of your truest friend and brother knew your clean soul...golden heart...warmth...grief...aspirations...!! i am heavy today...so are many of your friends..rest assured....i have kept you in your favourite corner of your make up room...smiling jovially..as you always did....you have not left us pat-da..you have travelled...may you find peace THERE!! i love you a lot!!

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