TO MY DEAREST MJ

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MY DEAREST MJ,<script data-ad-client="ca-pub-7793499699554504" async src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>

AS I WAS WATCHING YOUR CONCERT IN BUCHAREST IN 92’ TONIGHT I COULDN’T HOLD BACK MY TEARS!! I REALLY STILL DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE TILL DATE, THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE, UNTILL SUDDENLY AFTER SEEING THE WHOLE CONCERT AND LISTENING TO ALL THOSE MEMORABLE SONGS TONIGHT, WHICH BROUGHT BACK SO SO SO MANY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES,I REALISED THAT THERE WILL BE NO SUCH PERFORMER AGAIN TO ROCK THE DIAS LIKE YOU DO,ANYWHERE IN THIS UNIVERSE,EVVVVER!!…I CRIED…HIDING MY FACE FROM MY FOLKS…A STRANGE SADNESS GRIPPED MY HEART…I CRIED INCESSANTLY …..MAKING SURE NOT TO MAKE ANY NOISE…MY DOG LOOKED AT ME WITH A CONFUSED LOOK…CAME TO ME AND LICKED MY CHEEK,AS IF HE WAS TRYING TO TELL ME “DON’T CRY BRO…GOD TOOK HIM TO LESSEN HIS SUFFERING AND MAKE HIM IMMORTAL….HE JUST CAN’T DIE”!!

MY DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN CLASS IV AND AS I WAS WATCHING A FAVOURITE PROGRAMME OF MINE IN DELHI DOORDARSHAN ON A FRIDAY CALLED “THE WORLD THIS WEEK” HOSTED BY A CERTAIN GENTLEMAN NAMED “MR.PRONNOY ROY”,THE LAST SEGMENT WAS ENTERTAINMENT AND HAD A VIDEO CLIP OF A SONG CALLED “BAD” WITH YOU DANCING IN A GARAGE WITH MUSIC AND MOVES THAT SHOOK ME!! NEXT MONDAY WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL AND DISCUSSED IT WITH MY FRIENDS,THEY SEEMED TO KNOW IT ALL!! THEY, BEING PREDOMINANTLY FROM A CHRISTIAN BACKGROUND,EVEN DESCRIBED YOUR PREVIOUS ALBUMS “THRILLER”,”OFF THE WALL”, “BEN”, “GOT TO BE THERE”, “MUSIC AND ME” ETC. THEY EVEN SANG THE SONGS FROM THEM AND SHOWED THE DANCE MOVES IN THE GRAVEYARD FROM “THRILLER”!! MY CURIOSITY KNEW NO BOUNDS.I WENT BACK TO MY HOUSE AND NARRATED THE WHOLE INCIDENT TO MY MA AND LATER TO MY PA!!MY HOUSE BEING A STRICTLY MIDDLE-CLASS BENGALI ONE WITH CONSERVATIVE VALUES TOOK MY CURIOSITY AS A BLASPHEMY AND ASKED ME TO TAKE MORE INTEREST IN STUDIES,RATHER THAN THESE “USSRINKHOL”(LEWD) WESTERN SONGS!!MY MA THOUGHT THAT DISASTER WAS IMMINENT AND BLAMED MY PA TO ADMIT ME IN A MISSIONARY SCHOOL WHERE ALL THAT WAS TAUGHT WAS ALL “THIS” AND WHERE BOYS WITH WESTERN BACKGROUND WOULD TEACH ME NOTHING CONSTRUCTIVE BUT ALL “THIS”!! BUT SOMEHOW EVEN ALL OF 9 YEARS AS I WAS THEN, I WAS A REBEL.I DON’T KNOW HOW I GOT ALL THAT STRENGTH TO CRY GALLONS AND STARVE MYSELF IF PA WOULDN’T BUY ME A CASSETTE OF “BAD”,WHICH ALMOST ALL MY FRIENDS HAD BY THAT TIME AND I WAS TOO PRESTIGE CONSCIOUS TO REQUEST ANYONE TO LEND ME A COPY!! WELL…. AFTER SOMEDAYS,SEEING THEIR ONLY CHILD SO DESPERATELY CRAVING FOR SOMETHING,MADE THEM CURIOUS TOO AND ON MY BIRTHDAY I GOT THIS GIFT WRAPPED CASSETTE OF A DIFFERENT DESIGN FROM CBS,COSTING RS45(WHICH MY MA THOUGHT WAS A FORTUNE),WITH YOU POSING…CALLED “BAD”….I WASN’T SO HAPPY EVER IN MY LIFE AGAIN!!I THOUGHT I HAVE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE…..AND THUS STARTED MY JOURNEY WITH YOU…PLAYING ALL THE SONGS AGAIN AND AGAIN…SOMETIMES IN FULL VOLUME WHEN NO ONE WOULD BE THERE AT HOME..MEMORISE THEM AND DANCE AS IF I HAD NO WORRIES IN LIFE!!I BECAME A HERO AMONG MY NON-BENGALI FRIENDS WHERE I WOULD ENTERTAIN THEM WITH ALL THESE SONGS OF YOURS,PERFORM ON TEACHER’S DAY OR SCHOOL FEST!!YOUR’S WAS THE FIRST EVER ENGLISH ALBUM I INHERITED, OF THE PRESENT HUGE COLLECTION THAT I HAVE!!MANY OF MY CASSETTES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED BY FUNGUS BUT ALL YOUR ALBUMS ARE ALMOST INTACT ,WHICH I TRIED TO SAVE AS BEST AS POSSIBLE,THOUGH I BOUGHT CD BACK UPS LATER!!

DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER THIS SONG “LIBERIAN GIRL” WHICH I SANG LIKE NO ONE COULD,IN A COMPETITION AND WON MANY HEARTS INCLUDING SOMEONE SPECIAL…SOMEONE CALLED “SANJANA SANGHVI” WHOM I DID MEET JUST FOR THAT ONE EVENING…THOSE WERE THE DAYS WHERE WE COULDN’T BE EQUIPPED WITH CELL PHONES TO STORE CONTACTS…I LOST HER IN THE CROWD BEFORE EVEN GETTING TO WRITE DOWN HER LANDLINE NUMBER!!! BUT MANY OF MY OWN COMPOSITIONS WERE INSPIRED BY HER…WHICH I WILL RELEASE FOR SURE IN FUTURE…..MAY BE SHE WILL GET TO LISTEN TO IT AND LIKE IT(EVEN IF THEY ARE IN BENGALI)AS SHE LIKED IT THAT EVENING….MAY BE SHE WILL GET BACK TO ME….MAY BE…BUT IT WAS AND WILL BE ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!

DEAREST MJ,

I REMEMBER WHILE I WAS IN USA,DURING 2001-2002 AND YOUR “INVINCIBLE” RELEASED,I HAD THIS STRONG URGE TO SEE YOU ATLEAST ONCE IN MY LIFETIME.MY SHIP WAS DOCKED IN GALVESTON.BUT I REACHED 2 DAYS EARLIER AT HOUSTON ,WHERE IT WAS SCHEDULED TO ARRIVE AND HENCE WAS BAYED AT RAMADA INN.I READ THAT YOU HAD PARTED WITH SONY, BY WHICH PUBLICITY FOR “INVINCIBLE” WOULD TAKE A BEATING ETC.!!I HEARD THAT YOU WERE IN NEVERLAND AT THAT POINT OF TIME.I BECAME ADVENTUROUS!!KNOWING VERY WELL THAT I MAY BE SHOW-CAUSED BY MY COMPANY I CALLED UP MY AGENT PATRICK(IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY)AND EXPRESSED MY WISH TO VISIT YOUR DREAMLAND…NEVERLAND RANCH… WITH A WISH TO SEE YOU,ATLEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE…ALL ON MY EXPENSE!!BUT HE BROKE MY TRUST AND SECRETLY REPORTED MY TRAVEL PLANS TO MY COMPANY AND AS I PREPEARING TO FLY OFF FROM HOUSTON TO CALIFORNIA AND COME BACK AGAIN WITHIN THAT DAY…SADLY I WAS ORDERED BY MY COMPANY NOT LEAVE THE HOTEL PREMISES BEFORE SIGNING ON THE SHIP!!SO…. WHILE YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME AT YOUR RANCH “MAY BE”,I WAS BUYING “INVINCIBLE” IN WALL MART!!THANX TO “ST.PATRICK”!!

DEAREST MJ,

I FOLLOWED YOUR UPS AND DOWNS FROM 1987 TILL 2009 VERY CLOSELY,SINCE I GOT ADDICTED TO YOU.I KEPT ON HEARING AND READING STRANGE THINGS ABOUT YOU,COMMENTS FROM ABSOLUTE IMBECILES,NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT MUSIC,NOT KNOWING HOW TO RESPECT AN ARTIST,SEEING YOUR INSULT IN PUBLIC AND THINKING FROM AN ARTIST’S POINT OF VIEW,OF WHAT YOU MUST BE GOING THROUGH MENTALLY….I MUST SAY THAT THERE WAS A PREMONITION OF SUCH A CALAMITY IN MY MIND AS FAR AS YOUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL STATE WAS CONCERNED!!THOUGH THESE PARASITES WERE LESS IN NUMBER COMPARED TO ALL THOSE GAZZZILIONS WHO LOVED YOU HERE OR IN ANY OTHER PLANET,STILL THERE WAS SOMETHNG ILL-FATED IN YOUR NATAL CHARTS THAT MADE THESE SCUMBAGS “SEEMINGLY” ALL POWERFUL!!BUT LITTLE THAT THEY REALIZED… YOU, BEING SO CLOSE TO GOD, WOULD TEACH “THEM” A LESSON INSTEAD,BY JUST VANISHING PHYSICALLY FROM EARTH,LEAVING THESE SINNERS, ALIVE, TO DEAL WITH THEIR LIES,TO LIVE WITH THEIR DECEIT,WITH THEIR BREACH OF TRUST,WITH THEIR “HARD EARNED” MILLIONS FROM YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS…THE REST OF THEIR GOD DAMN LIVES!!MAY GOD KEEP THEM ALIVE AND MAKE THEM INSOMNIACS AND MAKE THEM MENTALLY DERANGED AND GIVE THEM ALL KINDS OF PAIN AND HARDSHIPS MULTIPLIED BY INFINITY, WHICH THEY HAVE INFLICTED ON YOU!! FOR ME YOUR PERSONAL LIFE COMES AFTER YOUR WORK…YOUR IMMORTAL WORK OF ART….SO I WILL LIVE THE REST OF MY LIFE KEEPING “THEM” CLOSE TO MY HEART..YOU WILL BE THERE WITH ME FOREVER…!!

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DEEAREST MJ,

MAY BE NOW,HEAVENLY AS YOU ARE,YOU WILL TAKE NOTICE THAT THIS MAN ,WHO WAS ONCE A BOY, YOUR ARDENT FAN, WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE A MARK IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY IN HIS OWN WAY,FIGHTING HIS OWN BATTLE IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD,NEEDS YOUR BLESSINGS…….PLEASE COME IN MY DREAMS ATLEAST ONCE..I WANT TO SHAKE HANDS WITH YOU….”I WANNA ROCK WITH YOU..ALL NIGHT”!!!!!!!

END OF RAJPOTH/NIKHIL

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The question is what’s my feeling that yet another family of mine,RAJPOTH, breaks up barely after one year!! Here’s the answer..a bit prolonged I guess,but that’s the way Trisha,Ipsitadi,Somdutta,Sucheta etc. from my orkut friendlist, all over the world,who followed my work as NIKHIL, religiously,wanted to hear from me!! Well ,first of all I do not feel a heartbreak ala Dr.Shurjo Sen of Khela…the reason being,sadly.. Nikhil my character in Rajpoth,didn’t turn out to be even half as promising to what was narrated to me in the casting session…though undoubtedly,it was a challenge to play a person with so many shades…but somehow the boat carrying Nikhil faltered in the whirlpool,for reasons beyond Nikhil’s or my control!! In one line one can say that “the boat headed to discover India,but found West Indies…not a mean achievement by any standards…. but not to the destination for which Nikhil and me had set sail on june 18th-08”!! But during the course of my journey as Nikhil ,whatever the consequences might have been and to wherever I may have drifted,I thought from the onset that I should make it a point to keep “my” main engine astute,the pressure and volume in the cylinders intact,the alarm trips ongaurd,the boilers warm,the auxilliary engine standby,the coolers head-on,turbochargers supercharged and the fuel supply continuous… …all in all “ I am” successful I guess,to some extent as the director and producer’s very happy and they have gone on record, inprint about this(Aajkaal-13-12-08)!! PLUS THERE IS THIS DELUGE OF ANTI-HATE MAILS AND SCRAPS FOR MY PERFORMANCE AS NIKHIL,AMONG THE OCCASIONAL HATE-COATED ONES TOO(without a proper view and reasoning apart from the mandatory “you are not looking as handsome as Dr.Shurjo Sen…which was quite true though”)!! They have made me believe that whatever I was doing ,was right and my boat may go astray, but the sailor has given no place to complain in piloting it through troubled waters to a landmass,nevertheless and didn’t let it drown afterall,even if the mother ship sank prematuredly,due to so MANY MANY MANY reasons,best forgotten, to gear up for a new and better tomorrow!! What I ACTUALLY feel terribly bad about, is that a family,comprising my co- actors,some great friends and guardians,Asish-my hair stylist,Avijit-my make-up man,Manik-my dresser and all others in my unit….has been broken up..and we have all drifted apart…to our respective pockets of work professionally…but the bonding will remain forever,which was absolutely visible through the gallons of teardrops shedded,in the farewell party,by everyone of us!!

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