My gain and loss as an Actor..till now

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CONT’D….. People often ask me what I gained or lost as an actor and how has my life changed post 2002…………..well one thing I lost for sure is a lot of weight…from a thumping 90kg+ to a 72kg+ at this moment. I wasn’t that overweight all my life though..healthy at the most,it was just a freak accident during a cricket match in 1999,that made me inactive for 6 months,when I started gaining a lot of weight…I lost it again before the medicals ,during my joining period in Mobil Shipping,fearing a disqualification and gained it back happily very soon...thanx to some best food in the world and cleanest air onboard,after I joined and sailed throughout the globe!! I am really blessed to be in this profession….. to be an actor ,as it has taught me to be fit,slim,presentable and disciplined on and off camera…but I think that should be the motto of everyone, regardless of whether he or she is in the glare of arclights or not!! There’s no harm to be presentable and fit!I have always kept myself away from smoking and drinking or any other addictions all my life,so that helped too! I REALLY CRINGE IN SHAME WHEN I SEE MYSELF ALL BLOATED UP, IN THE OLD PHOTOGRAPHS AND LOOKING NOT EXACTLY, WHAT ONE MAY CALL, AS AN ACTOR OF PROMISE!!But even this tranformation wasn’t easy….lots of sweat and sacrifice…as we Bengalis are addicted to sweets and carbohydrates and spices and oil!! That’s amalgamated to our genes…so it’s a very very daunting task not only to get one, out of that cycle, but to convince people around you, that the food they are making you eat, is doing no good to you!! They will reason,quarrel and even emotionally blackmail you to eat the pot bellied food and look healthy in their eyes! That’s the challenge…to rescue yourself ,out of that sentimental quicksand and look slim,trim and fit!! It is a revelation when your old pants feel loose on you….when your old t-shirts give a hanger like feeling….heavenly!! This profession has given me a lot prominence,fame and respect too. It has given me some good friends and admirers outside this industry who follow my work religiously,who write to me,who call me and love me and my work, unconditionally!!I feel honoured!! Little did I know that my popularity, restricted within a certain boundary,before I left ship,would pour over everywhere beyond that! With that of course came a lot of restrictions and a lot of limitations of carefree actions that an unrecognizable face could have enjoyed! I have got used to that with warmth. A lot of responsibility lies on the shoulders of an actor who is worshipped in their various levels of stardom to behave in a certain way….and I relish this responsibility! This profession has made me a champion of patience, will power and endurance,as these are very common infiltrators, in the life of an actor. Unlike any profession,here lies no security as far as influx of regular work is concerned. There’s a call time to reach the sets,but the pack up time is decided by someone beyond God I guess!! UNLIKE ANY OTHER FIELDS,THERE ARE NO REPORT CARDS HERE, SO THAT YOU MAY SCORE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF POINTS OR MARKS ‘ON PAPER’AND PROVE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY…EVERYTHING HERE IS UNCERTAIN …VIRTUAL…..NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT CAN MAKE YOU SCORE HERE…IT’S NOT ONLY GOOD LOOKS HERE….GOOD BODY…NEITHER HEIGHT…NEITHER A GOODVOICE….NEITHER PUNCTUALITY…NEITHER DISCIPLINE…NEITHER GREAT ACTING PROWESS…THAT MAY HELP YOU TO BREAK THE ICE HERE…WHAT MAY….THAT’S A MYSTERY…I GUESS I ENJOY ‘THAT’, BEYOND THE REALMS OF FRUSTRATION… ‘THAT’ MAKES MY LIFE MORE ADVENTUROUS!! This profession has shown me how one can be insulted in strange and innovative ways by people from all levels in,around and outside the trade,even if one tries to be respectful and loving to all. But I guess that is human nature…the negative side of it! Many of the same people often try to interact now, when they feel that one is suitably successful and upto their mark…. I reciprocate without even an iota of ill-will…that’s my upbringing!! YOUTH,POWER,BEAUTY,MONEY,HEALTH ETC. ARE ALL TEMPORARY…..WHAT REMAINS IS ‘GOOD BEHAVIOUR’!!’THAT’ WILL BE REMEMBERED ALL THROUGHOUT!!I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT! On the sunnier side I have been loved and blessed and adored by many in this industry from all levels, RIGHT FROM THE TIME I WAS A NO-ONE, TILL TODAY.This profession has given me some great great friends and guardians who I used to worship onscreen when I was not in this industry….ok…there is competion…there is back biting….but even beyond that, over the span of 8 years, I have gained some warm friends, older and younger, with whom I can share my troubles,my anxiety,my happiness.I feel lucky for that. That keeps me going! These are the great lessons in my life and has really made me emotionally tougher I guess. I am still learning and everyday experiences are making that book, which we all call ‘life’into an all the more enjoyable and wise journey.I try my best to erase the bitter moments and live on the better memories! I try my best to excuse and overlook and overhear all who was/is/will be insulting to me. I would rather prove it with my work,rather than fall to their pedestrian levels!!I try to forget all who took advantage of my goodness and friendship and have stolen from me materially and emotionally!! I am trying every moment….trying my best to be a better humanbeing than I was yesterday….trying my best to rectify my faults…trying to learn from my foolish mistakes in life.

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What would I be if not a actor?

People often ask me,what would I have been,if I would not have been an actor!
For sure, I would have been still writing the log book in the engine room,of some oil-tanker,on the Pacific ocean,knee deep in oil and grease in the bilge or if given another chance,I would have been a teacher,as Trisha,a dear friend from Orkut, has very correctly pointed out!
Well.... in my student days,it all started,quite early, with the mandatory intention of earning pocket money,but soon I realized that teaching and imparting knowledge to a young mind is a rejuvenating experience and gave me immmense immense immense satisfaction!!
Since my first student,Samrat,a boy in the 8th grade, while I myself ,was a mere 10th grader and was waiting for my I.C.S.E. result…...all through my I.S.C exams and then my Marine Engineering Apprenticeship period at the Calcutta Docking& Engineering Works and Garden Reach Ship Builders..to the various trainings,classes,M.O.T. exams of D.G.shipping at M.M.D....till the time I joined Mobil Shipping as a 5th engineer,I had as many as 53 students,all of whom were more than my children!!Many of whom I fondly recollect! Many of them are well settled in and out of India now ,some of them have married…well..... makes me look like a very aged ‘mashtarmoshai’ doesn’t it?….But really if you cut the joke on me, short… time flies!!
Those 8-9 years as a private tutor,I came very close to the ridiculous educational system and some very dishonest teachers,at schools,who did absolutely nothing to earn their monthly salary!!
The real challenge was not only to guide the intelligent lot of students I had,but the real challenge was to make the not so gifted ones,a participant in the rat race! More often than not I had some amazing records of success to that, which easily made me one of the most popular tutors at that time…!
Teaching was all about friendship with my students....ofcourse i was very very very strict as far as not paying attention to studies went...but apart from that myself ,not being too old in their comparison,I was more of a big brother to them than a typical ‘notes shooting’, boring tutor!! Teaching was all about bonding with them,doing first things first…studying….but apart from that,we went to picnics,film shows..we had cricket matches....we had kabaddi matches....we flew kites...we went out to eat…i cooked for them...we did plays and other cultural events together…we went out during the Pujas together…my house was virtually their second abode!! Many of them still write to me that they had the best time of their lives with me…well even I did!!
Today I cringe to see the same old dishonesty in the approach of many teachers in or outside schools,dishonest students who are not directed properly,hopeless students who have fallen back in the rat race….i feel helpless…sad….as I am able to do nothing for them in tandem…my present scenario doesn’t allow me to!! Money was never an issue I ran after in life,it has always been “what my heart tells me to do and makes me search happiness”….and teaching was one such vocation I wish I had still pursued!
But that is not to be..as life has taken a complete u-turn into something, that has given me even more satisfaction, along with my share of trials and tribulations, more than what I bargained for…as an actor…!
to be cont'd..............